I'm Tired Of Being Ostracised For Not Having A BlackBerry

I remember a time when people used to frolic in the sunshine. Friends used to arrange to meet up and engage in the real world. Couples would break up face to face. This stuff still happens but with the advent of smart phones and social networking all these wonderful things are at an all time low. I've lived through a number of fads in my short life. Go Go's, Yo-Yo's, Pokemon Cards, Tamagotchi's etc. But there is a new; enduring fad that has gripped the "urban" population and it has a stranglehold that does not seem like loosening anytime soon. I am talking about the dreaded CrackBerry better known as the BlackBerry.

I don't hate the phone per se, its just the effect it has on people that really pisses me off. This has made me even more reluctant to join the craze. I was first introduced to the behavioural changing powers of the BlackBerry back in a chance encounter back in February of '09. Since I'm not a romantic I decided to have a valentine's day meal with my two good friends Ann Marie and Gloria. I hadn't see either of them in a while and was quite excited to spend some time with the both of them. However, Ann Marie's hands seemed to be super glued to this little black device that was making all manner of noises. She barely looked up the whole night, even to eat. It put a dampener on the whole evening. That was the beginning of my dislike for the BlackBerry. I have come to realise that this little device was in fact a dangerous disease in disguise, which has now spread to pandemic proportions. Where people once talked, they now BBM/ping each other. Where people once asked for each other's numbers, they now ask for their BB pins. These are just smaller symptoms of the actual real problem - which is the erosion of real interactions. Something Ms Christiana was talking of since last year. I thought it was all an exaggeration but now I see the light. How can I tell someone we need to catch up and they reply by asking if I have Skype? What happened to meeting at a bar or restaurant to meet up, you know in the real world. Why must we frequently interact on the digital plane?

Why is it that two people can be standing right next to each other but they won't open their god given mouths - no -talking is too 08. We're in 2010 now and BBM is the future of human communication. This might be good for espionage but not for freaking daily interactions. I cannot tell you how many people have inadvertently nearly walked in to me because they are walking with their heads down typing on their BB's. WTF is so important that you can't even watch where you are going? Neither can I tell you the amount of near fatal car crashes I have been in because one of my friends wants to ping and drive at the same time. Surely if talking on the phone is illegal then typing on should be too. Dave I hope you're reading. Get it sorted mate.

The look of shock horror I receive when a female asks for my pin and I have to respond by saying I don't have one. Its even worse when people assume you have one and when you don't, you're treated as some sort of social leper.

On a technical level the BlackBerry seems to be a sub par phone anyway. Its only major selling point seems to be the BlackBerry Messenger. The 3g connection and web browser are head bashingly slow even on the more powerful Bold. They seem to be prone to various hardware faults as well as the software malfunctions. How many times have you heard someone saying the track pad/ball has stopped working or all their contacts have mysteriously been erased when trying to update? I'm just sick of all of it. People are too connected now a days, how I miss the days when you were forced to deal with awkward moments instead of having an escape chute in the form of a BB. Everywhere I look people are assuming the position: hands clasped tightly round a black rectangular device, head lowered and eyes transfixed on the screen. On road, in a rave, at work, everywhere people are pinging which I'm sure most of which is mindless chatter anyway. The endless alerts and vibrations really jar me. Come on is it really worth having something that is as technically reliable as an old British Leyland automobile? Which when it starts faltering (and it definitely will) will leave you having withdrawal symptoms the same as a hardcore crack fiend?

What's even worse is when you try to engage in a conversation with someone that is completely engrossed in their BlackBerry. They don't even look up to reply to you. Like WTF happened to eye contact? The whole BB community also seems to be a playground for highly sexualised 20 somethings to engage in sordid interactions. It is like a mini and digital form of Ayia Napa.

I remember when BlackBerrys were the sole possesion of upwardly mobile business professionals. Lets return to those days. I'm more of an iphone man anyway.

Freedom from the disease that is the CrackBerry for all!

Is Talking About Sex Still Taboo?

One thing I find very odd in such a liberal country with such highly sexualised young people is the inability to REALLY open up about sex. I don't simply mean talking about the act because we all know people who brag about how much play the get, but the deeper and more meaningful things and problems that comes bundled with.

When I catch up with people after enquiring about their health, friends, family, relationships, goals etc. Naturally I start questioning them on their sex life. I believe having a healthy sex life is paramount to having a healthy mental state. In the beginning I was always met with gasps of embarrassment and I wondered, Kini big deal?(What's the big deal? for all my non- Nigerians) But after whomever I was speaking too had gotten over their primary inhibition they would then open up like nobodies business. Like seriously, I couldn't get them too shutup.

I just think its weird I keep hearing:

"You're the only one I can talk too about things like this."

Seriously? People its 2010! What's there to be afraid of? If you have had the pleasure of attending one of my impromptu sex "seminars" then you know I am not afraid to talk about sex. Asking questions does not make you a hoe or a bunje (Thank you Rets for that word,) I see plenty of people clamouring for relationship advice but barely anyone looking for sexual advice? Are we all sexual professionals who don't need any help? I know people have anxieties, fears, questions etc. but it seems people like to front. I have theorized that in our "urban" sub-culture there is a particular sexual behavioural cannon in which we are afraid to venture beyond. If you display a curiosity or preference which is outside this cannon then you are seen as some sort deviant. (This is true of wider society as a whole but for the purposes of this post I'm just dealing with my generation and the environment we operate within). And the proprietors to this are usually the least mature,least intellectual and extremely obtuse individuals among us. But yet they serve as judges when it comes to what is sexually acceptable. This why such terms such as "bow cat" are still propagated today.

Lets be real fellas. The majority of us have suffered from performance anxiety. We have not been able to keep it up for hours as we're expected too. We're a little prone to cumming a little quicker than we would like. We're afraid to ask our partners to incorporate something new into the bedroom or we might feel we don't quite meet the grade when it comes to the "bulge in your boxers" department. I understand a lot of us are not mature enough to allow a forum for people to ask such questions but its time for a change.

Lets be real ladies. A lot of you are probably self conscious about your bodies, you might not feel as experienced as your partner. You are probably afraid of giving "head" or you're not too confident in your "riding" skills. I meet too many of you that are even afraid to acknowledge you have masturbated. Like someone once told me, "...be wary of anyone who vehemently denies that they masturbate."

I am proud to be many of my friends sexual confidante. I am always on hand to give advice, tips or just being the available owner of ears that will listen with an open mind without any judgement. This is not to say I am some kind of sexual guru or anything but I like to think I'm well informed enough to be adult about sex. I am only 22 and although I have been having sex for a number of years now I can honestly say I have only really started to understand what sex really is over last year or so. (Hopefully my mum will never read this blog). It's abundantly clear from the stuff that I have heard, that many people just do not know what they are doing and get bad advice from equally less knowledgeable people. I've realised as soon as you make people feel comfortable about what they are curious about they gain a new found confidence, instead of labelling them as a deviant. Besides I meet way too many females who say they have been "licked out" but I have never met a guy who has admitted to doing it. The numbers don't add up people - be real. Don't act like you've never been curious when it comes to giving "head" to a male or female.

So what I'm really saying is to not be afraid to ask about anything when it comes to sex. I guess you just need to find someone who is adult enough to talk about it with. I'm sure all the people I have given tips too have been satisfied with what I have shared with them. You'd be surprised how many people think they are having great sex when it is merely adequate at best.

What's there to be scared of? As long as you have a caring and understanding partner who is not afraid to explore and experiment when it comes to sex then who cares what anybody else thinks.

Disclaimer: This was not intended as a piece of empowerment literature for females who are a little too liberal when it comes to opening their legs or the guys whose life goal is to reach the glorious "I've slept with 1000 females" mark. If you are one of these people please disregard everything I have written. This is purely for the people who want to be mature and open minded when it comes to sex and build upon it. It is one of my goals to improve the quality of the "sex pool" for everyone.

Wishing great sex lives to all my readers.

(Especially Jodie aka Jay Emty because I know she is my biggest fan).

Is there any excuse?

Hey people I'm in bed at the moment just chilling doing nothing and thought I'd commit some time to my blog.

I know you must hate it when you check my blog and see it hasn't been updated - I know I'm so inconsistent. But I also know your collective hearts flutter when you see I have written something new, like now.

Anyway, I will try to blog more since I have more time on my hands after becoming a graduate (whoop whoop) but if you've been on my FB you'll know I have holidays coming up (more on that later).


Now to get down to the matter at hand.
I'm a man of observation and logic - they are the principles I live by. I observe the physical and apply logic to everything else, mainly the theoretical. One of my recent observations have been....................................TEETH.



Is there any excuse for this in 2009? I mean I am still in disbelief that there are people walking around with such teeth in this day and age. Its even worse when I see people of my generation and younger with "piano key teeth", "Black gums" and chipped teeth.

I mean come on WTF!!!! FIX UP!!! How can I be walking and I see a girl walking towards me. My heart starts to beat quicker because she looks good from a distance, but I know I need to see her closer to confirm this. As we get closer, our eyes meet. I think SHEEEET she's pretty. I begin to close in but then she smiles at me.....................and I'm taken back by what I see.


Not only are your teeth brown, they are not straight. Each one seems to have its own agenda and is shooting off any direction it so chooses. INSTANT TURN OFF. I'm sure many females have had the same experience when it comes to guys.

I honestly feel there is no excuse because as a youngster I was always taught about maintaining my teeth. A smile is door opener. Now if you grew up relying on your local council like I did then you know that dental check ups are FREE and most dental procedures were FREE as well. Which means if you had those gap teeth or MR Ed smile at a young age it was no problem to get fitted with a pair of braces. Now I know no one liked to be seen with braces, but your parents knew it was a necessary sacrifice to gift you with a beautiful set of teeth for your older years. That's why it was better to get them done at a younger age to limit the damage these things did to your social life.

As children my mum always made sure we had out 6 monthly dental check up. I was never afraid of the dentist, in fact I LIKED IT. I liked the whole experience, I thought the dentist chair was the best invention ever. I think I liked it more because luckily I was blessed with beautiful teeth and therefore going to the dentist was a mere formality and allowed me to receive praise from my dentist who always said my teeth were outstanding.

My little brother had braces for a while, and not because his teeth were messed up. He simply had a little condition where his bottom jaw was in front of his top one. It was only noticeable when he smiled and even then it wasn't that bad. But even so, my mum still had him get braces to push his top jaw out. And this was to simply ensure my brother never had any further complication with his teeth.

So when I use reason and logic to wonder why such atrocities such as having bad teeth are still prevalent today I come up with these answers:

1)Your parents simply didn't care about you enough to know how important your teeth are in everyday life.

2)If you didn't rely on the council for certain things then your parents were obviously well off enough to afford any dental procedures but decided against it for some unimaginable reason.

There may be more but they would no doubt delve into the realm of excuses.

I know as British people, the rest of the developed world ignorantly sees us as people that do not care for our teeth. You only need to watch certain episodes of Family Guy to see their depictions of British teeth. But in this day and age I firmly believe there IS SIMPLY NO EXCUSE!

There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful smile.

So what have we learned today?


If you smile at yourself in the mirror and a crack starts to appear then you need to do something about your teeth NOW!

Go to the dentist - he is your friend! He only wants the best for you and your teeth.

You know if you have bad teeth or not- JUST GO GET THEM FIXED, PLEASE.

I cannot believe we are in 2009 and I have to be writing a blog post about this! You have been warned.

SO...........................Most girls are Rihanna now??

WHATS UP PEOPLE??????????????????????????????

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I KNOW! I ain't put up a proper blog post in time, but llow me. I've been over busy recently. But I'm taking a few minutes out of my busy schedule to bless you with some well deserved observations from within MIKEZ WORLD. I mean its only fair, you guys have been waiting a while now.

Now if you're one of my FB friends then you know I put up rather controversial status updates form time to time. Now over the last month or so I've been seeing more and more females with a certain hairstyle. I know you know which one I'm talking about. One of my female friends referred to them as "bangs", its like the female version of the mohicans bare man dem have back in endz. But yeah it is hairstyle that Rihanna does very well:
I have to admit Rihanna looks good in her chosen hairstyle. But too many times have I walked past females that cannot see where they are going because the fringe is covering their eyes and trying to reach down to their lips. I mean why does your fringe have to be that extreme? God gave you eyes for a reason. I think "bangs" is a suitable name for this hairstyle because that's what sound you will hear when you walk straight into a street lamp if you're not careful. That's not to say I have not seen girls pull of this hairstyle, cos I have. BUT that does not mean that everyone is able too. Now for Rihanna, it is not merely a hairstyle, it is a clever cover because she has an unusually large forehead:SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Anyway it is not hard to see why I call it the "Cousin IT" hairstyle:





Also, again Rihanna is known for wearing lipstick, which again I say she can pull off:


But too many females have this "if she can do it, then I can too" attitude which is simply not true. There have been too many FB photo albums I look through with females thinking they'll just dab some lipstick on and just end up looking horrendous. If you do not look good with lipstick on then just LEAVE IT ALONE!!

Better to look normal with no lipstick on than gamble and end up looking like a Victorian prostitute. Hopefully my advice will be heeded.

But anyway certain people are starting to think I'm a female hater cos one too many of posts have been dedicated to the failings of their looks so I promise I won't do anyhting like this for a while. Just had to do this one to get it off my chect.

What is it with these fresh African girls with their scarred up faces thinking they're Beyonce?

This post is in response to a Facebook status I had a couple of months ago which got a lot of interesting responses. The actual phrase was coined by my cousin (I added the tribal scars bit) when we went to an Nigerian function together about a year ago. Now we went there just planning to have a good time and obviously feast our eyes on the beauty Africa had to offer. Unfortunately African beauty couldn't it make it that night and sent ugliness in its place as a very poor substitute.
Instead of a nice group of females who I could talk to I was faced with the hostile and snotty attitude of a group of African females. It was a thing where we had walked in and before we had even collected out plate of jollof rice and assorted meats these girls were already looking at us like we were vermin. They gave us the "Don't even try move to us, otherwise you're going to get turfed" kind of look. One of them even had the skill to cut her eyes, kiss her teeth and turn her nose up at us all at the same time. I could hear their tough African accents getting gassed cos' they thought they were the shit.
I mean I could understand if you are choong and ever since you were 15 you've had all manner of boys trying to move to you and you just don't want the hassle. But when I say these girls were ugly, I mean U.G.L.Y. I know some of you might seem that the word is harsh, but honestly there is no other word I can think of to fully encapsulate the emotions that ran through my body when I proper took time to gaze upon their faces. If you're ugly then you're ugly, there's no two ways about it. I'm sorry its just that simple.

Now on a later reflection I was wondering if there was a mirror shortage that I did not know about at the time. Because it must be obvious to someone who is good looking impaired that they are ugly. There is a constant reminder when they look in the mirror, when they pass a shop window, even when they pass a car. So I'm baffled as to where this attitude of choongness comes from. That for me is one of the audacious crimes a person can commit. To go on choong when you are ugly.

Now if your memory is failing you at the moment just lemme give you a little reminder of what Beyonce looks like:
Beyonce is no doubt a beautiful woman and it is understandable why African females would see her a suitable role model to base themselves upon. I started thinking maybe it was because these girls probably thought that they had bodies which entitled to such a sour attitude. Now we know African females are known for having bodies, but this is still no excuse.

These African girls were butterz, and i mean:

............................BUTTERZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't even get me started on the tribal scars I was seeing as well. You see those ones where the cuts look like the same ones on freshly baked bread. Ones where the cuts are so deep it still looks like the skin is being stretched apart. And the cuts are so deep you can start to see the white of the cheekbones.

Most of these African girls would like to believe they look like Beyonce or if they know they have a body at least like this:

But in reality you're closer to this:




Now don't get me wrong. I know a lot of beautiful African females and I love my African sisters. Its just these ugly ones that think too much of themselves that I can't stand. And ladies I'm sure there are certain guys out there that you feel exactly the same about.

All I'm saying is your daddy may have gassed your head with tales of princesses and that you are beautiful and these off the boat African guys have told you every lie under the sun to get you into bed but PLEASE stop fooling yourselves. Don't allow an ugly personality go hand in hand with your ugly face as well.

Peace xxxx