I'm Tired Of Being Ostracised For Not Having A BlackBerry

I remember a time when people used to frolic in the sunshine. Friends used to arrange to meet up and engage in the real world. Couples would break up face to face. This stuff still happens but with the advent of smart phones and social networking all these wonderful things are at an all time low. I've lived through a number of fads in my short life. Go Go's, Yo-Yo's, Pokemon Cards, Tamagotchi's etc. But there is a new; enduring fad that has gripped the "urban" population and it has a stranglehold that does not seem like loosening anytime soon. I am talking about the dreaded CrackBerry better known as the BlackBerry.

I don't hate the phone per se, its just the effect it has on people that really pisses me off. This has made me even more reluctant to join the craze. I was first introduced to the behavioural changing powers of the BlackBerry back in a chance encounter back in February of '09. Since I'm not a romantic I decided to have a valentine's day meal with my two good friends Ann Marie and Gloria. I hadn't see either of them in a while and was quite excited to spend some time with the both of them. However, Ann Marie's hands seemed to be super glued to this little black device that was making all manner of noises. She barely looked up the whole night, even to eat. It put a dampener on the whole evening. That was the beginning of my dislike for the BlackBerry. I have come to realise that this little device was in fact a dangerous disease in disguise, which has now spread to pandemic proportions. Where people once talked, they now BBM/ping each other. Where people once asked for each other's numbers, they now ask for their BB pins. These are just smaller symptoms of the actual real problem - which is the erosion of real interactions. Something Ms Christiana was talking of since last year. I thought it was all an exaggeration but now I see the light. How can I tell someone we need to catch up and they reply by asking if I have Skype? What happened to meeting at a bar or restaurant to meet up, you know in the real world. Why must we frequently interact on the digital plane?

Why is it that two people can be standing right next to each other but they won't open their god given mouths - no -talking is too 08. We're in 2010 now and BBM is the future of human communication. This might be good for espionage but not for freaking daily interactions. I cannot tell you how many people have inadvertently nearly walked in to me because they are walking with their heads down typing on their BB's. WTF is so important that you can't even watch where you are going? Neither can I tell you the amount of near fatal car crashes I have been in because one of my friends wants to ping and drive at the same time. Surely if talking on the phone is illegal then typing on should be too. Dave I hope you're reading. Get it sorted mate.

The look of shock horror I receive when a female asks for my pin and I have to respond by saying I don't have one. Its even worse when people assume you have one and when you don't, you're treated as some sort of social leper.

On a technical level the BlackBerry seems to be a sub par phone anyway. Its only major selling point seems to be the BlackBerry Messenger. The 3g connection and web browser are head bashingly slow even on the more powerful Bold. They seem to be prone to various hardware faults as well as the software malfunctions. How many times have you heard someone saying the track pad/ball has stopped working or all their contacts have mysteriously been erased when trying to update? I'm just sick of all of it. People are too connected now a days, how I miss the days when you were forced to deal with awkward moments instead of having an escape chute in the form of a BB. Everywhere I look people are assuming the position: hands clasped tightly round a black rectangular device, head lowered and eyes transfixed on the screen. On road, in a rave, at work, everywhere people are pinging which I'm sure most of which is mindless chatter anyway. The endless alerts and vibrations really jar me. Come on is it really worth having something that is as technically reliable as an old British Leyland automobile? Which when it starts faltering (and it definitely will) will leave you having withdrawal symptoms the same as a hardcore crack fiend?

What's even worse is when you try to engage in a conversation with someone that is completely engrossed in their BlackBerry. They don't even look up to reply to you. Like WTF happened to eye contact? The whole BB community also seems to be a playground for highly sexualised 20 somethings to engage in sordid interactions. It is like a mini and digital form of Ayia Napa.

I remember when BlackBerrys were the sole possesion of upwardly mobile business professionals. Lets return to those days. I'm more of an iphone man anyway.

Freedom from the disease that is the CrackBerry for all!

Faithful.

I'm an observer. And one thing from my observations that I just cannot seem to grasp is the nonchalant attitude some of my male peers have when it comes to being faithful. I am not a preacher so I'm not in the business of telling people that morally; what they are doing is wrong. Like I said I'm an observer which means I make sure the person fully understands the consequences of their actions and then when it all blows up in their face I sit and watch them formulate every excuse under the sun as to why they should not be held accountable for their actions. So this will not be a post arguing that being unfaithful is wrong, that is a relative question which serves little purpose. Rather this will be a post trying to explain the behaviour of my peers from my own unique perspective and the hypocritical excuses I have heard over the years.

I have never cheated on any female I have been involved with. A statement that I'm sure will be met with scepticism but I'm being serious. When you take into account that I have ever only been in one serious (semi) serious relationship it suddenly doesn't become that hard to believe. Although it was a disastrous relationship that many people would not have blamed me if I did cheat but I still didn't. I'm such a man of principle that I stayed unhappy than do the normal (scumbag) course of action and cheat on my girlfriend when she is pissing me off or slacking on her girlfriend duties. If I ever did feel the uncontrollable urge to cheat on a partner I'd like to think I'd be man enough to call them up and break things off. Its still deep but its better than the alternative and at least I'd have a clear conscience.

From the male perspective of my generation of my generation there are many reasons to start on a course of infidelity. Over the years I have been able to watch many relationships form and dissolve and I still can't get to grips with certain behaviours. As with any relationship; there are good times and then there are bad times. But you also have latent times when a relationship is not good nor bad, it's just normal when the two participants are so comfortable with each other it seems like they are standing still. I guess cheating when stuff is bad is understandable but it is still a cop out in my eyes. It's the infidelity at the good or latent periods I just cannot get my head around.

The most prevalent behavioural pattern I have identified is that males feel some sort of entitlement to have as many females as they so choose. There seems to be no sense of guilt or remorse when a guy has a girlfriend he repeatedly cheats on because as far as their justification goes - "it's just what guys do." They love their main partner but they still want other females, it should be an understandable desire. I know this is not very clear but no one who I have tried to get an explanation out of could give me a straight answer - it is supposedly a kind of instinctual urge.

Another pattern is more commonly used amongst males that have been in a relationship for more than a year or so. They have been fine and never tempted. But there seems to come a point when these guys need to find out "if they still have it." So they tell themselves engaging in a new relationship while already in one is just to get the dust off their skills of attraction. But surely this shouldn't matter if you already have the one you love right? Which means they worked very well and you don't need anymore test subjects.

Within this pattern is the need for new female attention which very few guys will own up to needing. Everyone likes a bit of attention form the opposite sex once in a while but for a specific few this is a need akin to a crack head needing his next fix. Dramatic? I think not. It is an insatiable need for female attention that can never be fully quenched by a solitary female. I'm sure this sort of behaviour can be traced back to infantile mummy issues but I could not care less.

There are many more of these behavioural patterns I could describe but I don't want to be here all night. So the final one I will detail is the one I've witnessed on the "boys group holiday". You know the ones I'm talking about: The one where a guy and a few of his friends goes to a morally questionable sexual holiday destination. You know the places: Miami, Amsterdam, Napa, Brazil etc. The justification for this is that there will no doubt be single males on this trip who will be enjoying life to the full and he wouldn't want to miss out on the fun just because you have a silly little thing called a girlfriend. Further justification is the use of the following mantra@

"Whatever happens in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination) stays in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination)."

Besides there is always a little bit of competition on such holidays and committed males will eventually be dragged into showing how well they can compete. To all my female readers that have partners who have been on or are going on such holidays and feel that their better half has no intention of being unfaithful I have to say you are sadly deluded. Okay so I don't want to be the cause of numerous break ups so I will accept that there maybe 5% of males who do not have this inclination and hopefully your partner falls within this percentile.

But these are all excuses to me. And the hypocrisy rears its ugly head when these males were asked how they would react if they found out their girl was cheating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to assume that the replies ranged from moral outrage to physical violence. But as I say the majority of this generation is mentally ill and hopefully through little wake up calls like this, as a whole we can start getting better.

Cheating for me is the infantile behaviour reserved for men who are morally and principally too weak to engage in adult relationships. But I ain't about to purely bash on my own species. Females are guilty of all the same things I have mentioned. A few months ago I met a smart female who admitted that she was once like me. She proceeded to give me one of those laughs you give to people after they've made a naive/idealist statement. It startled me because I wondered if I could one day cave in on my principles and justify cheating as a careless action as she did. That's what intelligent people do when they cave in on a principle that they thought was steadfast. They justify it by fully embracing and undermining the severity of the action. Just take it from me and don't continue to to call them a 'scumbag' because even though they accept what they did was wrong, they don't like to be chastised for it.

Fortunately one of my greatest strengths is that I am a man of principle. I'm a little old fashioned like that. There are just certain things I will not bend on and faithfulness is one of them. I think it goes back to my younger days when I used to watch Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer to fill the gap between watching the CBBC/CITV late afternoon lineup. Seeing the emotional devastation that ensued after the confession of sexual infidelity always shocked me. Even though at a young age I never fully understood what sex was I knew it wasn't anything to be taken lightly when a partner and/or family was involved. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be the reason to cause such hurt to a fellow human being because of such an action. Most of all, I'd detest being called a scum bag as well.

Reading back on this post I know I said I wouldn't try to give a moral opinion on unfaithfulness but it's clear I failed. I'm sorry I just cannot respect people who cheat. It's just the way I've been conditioned. And to anyone who may have taken insult by indirectly being called a scum bag because they have cheated, please do not take my words too seriously. I also think anybody that supports Liverpool FC is a scumbag. It's just a word, whatever connotations you add to it is purely your own doing. I know its hard being committed to a single person in such an environment and I know the smart ones will use African culture that saw nothing wrong with polygamy and western social conditioning as arguments, which I fully understand and agree with but this may be used by stupid people to further justify their actions without really understanding what these arguments mean. It's because of people like this that I truly believe the mantle of 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' means nothing.

Lets just be faithful to one another. A relationship should be a serious thing. Why do people act like its not?

Happy mental health to all.

Admitting You're Not The Finshed Article

Almost a whole month without a post is truly disgusting and I sincerely apologise. But between working full time, going gym, coaching and playing American football I have no time left. I barely sleep anymore. But they say good things come to those to wait.

This blog topic has been on my mind for a while now. Thinking back to my younger days sometimes I kind of get blown away by how much my whole way of thinking has changed. As a teenager you could not tell me anything. That is no understatement. I was opinionated, hard headed, arrogant and always thought I was right. Some of you comedians will think "well whats changed?" and you guys can go hang yourselves. Moving on. . . needless to say I thought I was perfect. A delusion I have since cured myself of but I have seen it permeate into wider society as of late. I think its a necessary stage of development that a lot of young people have a sense of entitlement, grandeur and infallibility. But in my opinion, if this is still the same issue when someone is 21+ then there is a real problem. It should be obvious that being a young adult there is still a lot of growing to do. Unless certain people are seriously trying to tell me they got it right first time round? I've observed that some people absolutely refuse to look at themselves in a critical light. I'm sure these people would stop short of calling themselves perfect but if you'r explicitly saying there is nothing wrong with you, then implicitly you're saying what?

I know I've got a long way to go in life and this current version of me will probably unrecognisable to the me in 20 or so years. Life is all about developing and progressing. How you see certain things now doesn't mean that's how it should be forever. It is a lot like the theory of falsifiability. People just have to admit that they could be wrong and use it as a stepping stone to develop themselves.

I know a few people will think "well you can never be the finished article!" which maybe true, but I'd rather get as close to it as I possibly can than being a stagnant human being. And to me there is no way you can be the finished article in your early twenties.

Whenever I read or hear about relationship drama and the opposite sex is always asking where a good man is I'm quick to say "I'M HERE!" I'm sure I am not the only one, we all think we're great people. But sometimes we're not as great as we may think. I'm not saying I'm a bad guy, just that I admit that to be a truly good man I have someway to go. So I admit right now I'm not the finshed article, but one day soon enough I will be.

So to my readers: Can you admit to yourself that you're not the finished article?

I'm No Relationship Expert...

No seriously. I kid you not. This really should have been a point in my previous post but I felt this point need to be expounded upon. I do not know why I personally get asked questions I know very little about. Ask me about Freudian psychoanalysis, Black History, LOST or Marxism and I'll be in my element, but ask about relationships and I'll be stumped - they are just not my thing. I hate talking or giving advice on subjects I have very little knowledge about. But yet I am still asked for advice? I can only deduce that people ask me because they know I am a "straight up and straight talking" kind of guy. I tell it exactly how it is and don't beat around the bush.

I guess you would think this would make me successful when it came to my endeavours with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, I am a huge and utter FAILURE. No seriously. One of the biggest gripes I have with my generation is the mass production of 'Dear Janes and Johns' (although this is a majority female dominated field). People are dishing out relationship advice even when it is not requested. I'm part of a generation who feel entitled to speak on any topic they want to with minimal amount of research done. Pure speculation, hearsay, conjecture and opinions. Purely polemic. How do you reason with a generation that think they are right about everything? Personally, in an Ogundare-run Britain I would ban single people from giving relationship advice. I know, idealist and a little totalitarian but let me get back to reality. If you are a perennially single person who always has troubles in love and relationships what exactly qualifies you to be a 'relationship expert'? The last girl I was involved with dished out this advice like nobodies business, but she couldn't even manage a civil conversation with me yet alone a relationship but she was endorsing herself like a book featured on Oprah.

Last year I wrote in a blog post that I would no longer be giving relationship advice to people that I did not feel had the necessary "testicular fortitude" needed to carry out my advice. This was only half the story. I had realised that I could not be giving out advice on something I have never been successful at? How many failed business entrepreneurs are giving lectures right now on how their business plans failed to get off the ground for big bucks? Like I said I'm a failure when it comes to relationships and I HATE failing - at anything. But I have to admit this obvious truth. So please do not rely on me to give you tips on how to have a successful relationship. However, if you want advice on how to self destruct your relationship into a million pieces and make sure your ex holds a grudge against you for an indefinite amount of time.... THEN I AM YOUR MAN!

The only thing I can do is warn you if I feel that your decisions or actions may lead to more trouble in the long run because I am expert in that. Just be real. But like I've said before I seem to be one of the few rational people in a generation full of delusional love-loving agony aunts and uncles. But I fear I am fighting a losing battle. People will have a sense of entitlement regardless. Guess I need to speed up my plans for world domination.

To be honest I don't think I will ever understand why humans yearn for sexually exclusive heterosexual (or gay/bi-sexual) companionship. I guess it is one of the few areas you could call me socially awkward in.


(Un)happy relationships to all.

It seems like the ideals of "common sense" and a "relationship" are mutually incompatible. Guess this is where I've been going wrong. - Michael Ogundare

Is Talking About Sex Still Taboo?

One thing I find very odd in such a liberal country with such highly sexualised young people is the inability to REALLY open up about sex. I don't simply mean talking about the act because we all know people who brag about how much play the get, but the deeper and more meaningful things and problems that comes bundled with.

When I catch up with people after enquiring about their health, friends, family, relationships, goals etc. Naturally I start questioning them on their sex life. I believe having a healthy sex life is paramount to having a healthy mental state. In the beginning I was always met with gasps of embarrassment and I wondered, Kini big deal?(What's the big deal? for all my non- Nigerians) But after whomever I was speaking too had gotten over their primary inhibition they would then open up like nobodies business. Like seriously, I couldn't get them too shutup.

I just think its weird I keep hearing:

"You're the only one I can talk too about things like this."

Seriously? People its 2010! What's there to be afraid of? If you have had the pleasure of attending one of my impromptu sex "seminars" then you know I am not afraid to talk about sex. Asking questions does not make you a hoe or a bunje (Thank you Rets for that word,) I see plenty of people clamouring for relationship advice but barely anyone looking for sexual advice? Are we all sexual professionals who don't need any help? I know people have anxieties, fears, questions etc. but it seems people like to front. I have theorized that in our "urban" sub-culture there is a particular sexual behavioural cannon in which we are afraid to venture beyond. If you display a curiosity or preference which is outside this cannon then you are seen as some sort deviant. (This is true of wider society as a whole but for the purposes of this post I'm just dealing with my generation and the environment we operate within). And the proprietors to this are usually the least mature,least intellectual and extremely obtuse individuals among us. But yet they serve as judges when it comes to what is sexually acceptable. This why such terms such as "bow cat" are still propagated today.

Lets be real fellas. The majority of us have suffered from performance anxiety. We have not been able to keep it up for hours as we're expected too. We're a little prone to cumming a little quicker than we would like. We're afraid to ask our partners to incorporate something new into the bedroom or we might feel we don't quite meet the grade when it comes to the "bulge in your boxers" department. I understand a lot of us are not mature enough to allow a forum for people to ask such questions but its time for a change.

Lets be real ladies. A lot of you are probably self conscious about your bodies, you might not feel as experienced as your partner. You are probably afraid of giving "head" or you're not too confident in your "riding" skills. I meet too many of you that are even afraid to acknowledge you have masturbated. Like someone once told me, "...be wary of anyone who vehemently denies that they masturbate."

I am proud to be many of my friends sexual confidante. I am always on hand to give advice, tips or just being the available owner of ears that will listen with an open mind without any judgement. This is not to say I am some kind of sexual guru or anything but I like to think I'm well informed enough to be adult about sex. I am only 22 and although I have been having sex for a number of years now I can honestly say I have only really started to understand what sex really is over last year or so. (Hopefully my mum will never read this blog). It's abundantly clear from the stuff that I have heard, that many people just do not know what they are doing and get bad advice from equally less knowledgeable people. I've realised as soon as you make people feel comfortable about what they are curious about they gain a new found confidence, instead of labelling them as a deviant. Besides I meet way too many females who say they have been "licked out" but I have never met a guy who has admitted to doing it. The numbers don't add up people - be real. Don't act like you've never been curious when it comes to giving "head" to a male or female.

So what I'm really saying is to not be afraid to ask about anything when it comes to sex. I guess you just need to find someone who is adult enough to talk about it with. I'm sure all the people I have given tips too have been satisfied with what I have shared with them. You'd be surprised how many people think they are having great sex when it is merely adequate at best.

What's there to be scared of? As long as you have a caring and understanding partner who is not afraid to explore and experiment when it comes to sex then who cares what anybody else thinks.

Disclaimer: This was not intended as a piece of empowerment literature for females who are a little too liberal when it comes to opening their legs or the guys whose life goal is to reach the glorious "I've slept with 1000 females" mark. If you are one of these people please disregard everything I have written. This is purely for the people who want to be mature and open minded when it comes to sex and build upon it. It is one of my goals to improve the quality of the "sex pool" for everyone.

Wishing great sex lives to all my readers.

(Especially Jodie aka Jay Emty because I know she is my biggest fan).

Random yet very revealing thoughts

Hey People,

So just to update you I am currently in Orlando as another stop on my seemingly never ending holiday, although it will be coming to an end real soon. My very generous uncle decided to fly me out here so I could spend some time with him and his family as a graduation present. I finally got to meet my baby cousin who turned one on the weekend and accompanied her to her 1st birthday party. She is actually adorable and will post some pics of her when I transfer the pics to my laptop. The weather is fantastic I must add, I am not used to 30+ degree weather in October. I am still just relaxing and living the life.

But after such a relaxing afternoon I was left alone with my thoughts again and came to a few more realizations.

I am exactly where I expected to be right now. In my obscure life plan I always wanted to graduate when I was 21 and that's really as far as it went. I mean I am not employed or anything but I have never known what I have wanted to do with my life. But after talking to numerous people I have decided that I cannot have a job, I want a career. And in order for that to happen I need to incorporate one or a mixture of my passions in a way where it allows me to earn money. I refuse to get comfortable in a job that I got just because I needed a monthly wage in an area I don't love. I fear that if this does happen then I'll wake up one day when I'm a 30 something male with a wife and two kids wondering where the hell my life went, still in the same unnamed job with no prospects and earning a slightly higher monthly wage. I assume this how most people would have felt sometime during their lives. But the majority still fall into the same trap of getting a job that is only supposed to be momentary, you know pay the bills until you can make your dreams come true sort of thing, but still end up getting comfortable and somehow their dreams get pushed to the backseat when they should be riding shotgun. So I REFUSE to allow this to happen to me. Not the whole getting a job to support myself in the meantime (because Royal Mail here I come) but never forgetting that it is not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life.

So for that reason I have decided something. I am not going to say because (I hope) a couple of my friends read my blog and it essentially kind of impacts them so I am not willing to divulge the information just yet but just letting you know I am in the process of planning something which will have a huge impact on my future.

I have sacrificed for so long now I wonder if it is now okay to stop. I sacrificed my own misconceived rebellious ambitions to please a mother who I love deeply but is never satisfied. I sacrificed my social life to complete my degree. I sacrificed my going shopping and spoiling myself rule for a year and a half just to get the perfect house for my last year of Uni. I sacrificed my own financial security to keep a girlfriend happy who really didn't deserve it. I sacrificed not doing what I really wanted to do 5 years ago to keep my family together after the wake of a tragic and unexpected death. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, all of these sacrifices lead to positive outcomes in the end, but I have been sacrificing for so long now, especially when it comes to my family that I feel if I carry on it will be eating into life dreams. I do not even know if it is time to stop. I guess I would feel kind of guilty to just start focusing on myself but then again I feel like enough is enough. It is time for me to really start thinking about me and only me.

I am slowly being turned from a PC into a Mac person. They are actually superior to any PC I have used. They still have faults, like the keyboard for instance, but overall they are winning me over.

I realize I have many people that get parts of me, but not me as a whole. Maybe this is the reason I cannot build lasting meaningful relationships. I feel like for this to happen then someone would need to understand the many parts of myself that make up me. I do take responsibility that I can be closed at times but this is just because I feel I haven't met anyone that could handle all of me, but hey how can I know if I don't at least give them a try right? This is not to alienate the people that do get parts of me though. Just want to give a shoutout to my cousin Tinu and my friends Izzy & Shree who I feel truly understand my love for music and the wide ranging affects it has in other areas of my life. Also, I want to give a shoutout to Izzy & Shree again as well as my friend Nadia who all understand that sometimes you have to abandon politically correct behaviour and just be blunt even if it means coming across a little rude. Shouout to Gabrielle who understands that sometimes the best way to deal with people is just not to deal with them at all and can you PLEASE start blogging again. To my many friends who understand my passion for sports, you all make me a better athlete and analyst. But when I find a woman who can understand all my various sides and passions then I just might give this relationship thing a go.

With all the pressure coming from my family recently imploring me to start thinking about settling down and having children - I simply have to say that I am not ready, especially when it comes to having children. I have spent the last week with two 1 year old children and although very adorable they were both absolute handfuls. I am simply not ready. I'd rather have sleepless nights form my insomnia running wild instead of a little one running wild for the time being. On of the babies could even hit such a high note that even Mariah Carey in her prime would have had trouble hitting. I called it the instant headache initiator note. One day I'll be ready; but for now I have other things to focus on.

I think a lot of people are idiots, no seriously.

Time away form London has truly changed me for the better and I honestly feel rejuvenated. Upon my return I will be having some serious discussions with some of my friends in relation to certain aspects of their lives - you've been warned. I've been biting my lips for too long now and its time I start being more proactive instead of reactive.

I see lot of relationship advice being dished out but I don't see many people digesting it.

I am more of a leader than I wanted to accept.

And on that note I bid you adieu, I am seriously exhausted from babysitting.

Soon come.

Black History Month: What It Means To Be Black

I understand it is October and even though I am in America and they choose to celebrate it at a different time I still acknowledge that back home this is the month we have been given to celebrate our own history. Learning of my history is something I take very seriously and will no doubt be dedicating a number of posts to the subject. But I always try to let people know that Black History Month is every month, not just October.

Right now I am going to drop a poem that I caught last year during the BET launch last year for BHM. I saw Jason Nwansi recite a powerful poem of his entitled 'What it Means to Be Black' which really touched my soul. I put off doing this earlier because I felt the actual recital was so powerful and I wanted to upload the video but I could not find it. Luckily, when I was searching for the poem to paste onto this post I saw someone had finally uploaded the video on YouTube just a week ago. I don't know why it took so long but I'm happy someone finally did. Again I feel like divine intervention has a part to play on one of my posts. I feel like the Most High is really smiling down on me today.

Anyway I'll post both the video and written format of the poem:

What it means to be Black by Jason Nwansi

I was asked to write a poem on what it means to be black
But I don't think my words can encapsulate that
The rage that I feel when ignored by black-cabs
I don't think my words can encapsulate that
Constantly over looked coz my complexion don't match
I don't think that words can encapsulate that
And even though I'm non-threatening I'm still viewed as a threat
I don't think that words can encapsulate that.

Black, adjective, of the deepest colour
Relating to the human group having dark coloured skin
Presenting distressing situations in comical terms
Like the fools who make jokes out of racism
Marked by disaster, marked by despair Damilola Taylor left bleeding on stairs
The pages of my dictionary have casually stated
That black is full of anger and hatred
Maybe that's why I can't get a cab
And I keep getting stopped by police and that
Plus it's more likely that I'll be shot or stabbed
That's called NEO-RACISM where BLACKS hate BLACKS BLACK ON BLACK CRIME, rolling with nines
So solid crew got the blame for a while
Under represented in all institutions
LIBERALS LIP SERVICE and look for solutions

Forgive me for stating uncomfortable facts
But for deeper understanding we must look back
A whip sounding from silence a thunderous "CRACK!"
I don't think that words can encapsulate that
Lacerations that perforate this young slaves back
I don't think that words can encapsulate that
Sleeping in my own faeces with a plague of rats
I don't think that words can encapsulate that
In the belly of a slave ship that wont turn back
I don't think that words can encapsulate that
I've gone from a King to Cattle in the space of a week
No wife home nor land, I morn I weep, I'm weak
I'm feeling home sick so I cant eat, I'm meek
These Iron-cuffs have created sores that seep
I've been Robbed of my robes, given strange clothes,
This place is a market; I'm now to be sold
This man has his hands on my testicles
Traded besides a woman that I do not know
The sunshine radiates her skin just glows
She cry's all the time of a pain untold
Robbed of her Virginity, Dignity and Soul
I offered her comfort, her hands were so cold
I am FEAR-INSTILLED, Man's Property still BREEDING with strangers against my WILL
FORCED to behave or my blood will SPILL
The MASTERS A MONSTER I've seen him KILL
If I accept this now will this ever STOP?
In future will our Children be strangled or shot?
Decorations from Oak Trees for Villainous MOBS
Or will WHITE faces greet us and hope we've forgot
I was asked to write a poem on what it means to be black

But I don't think my words can encapsulate that

LOVE?

It has been a tension filled week people. You would think being on holiday means you wouldn't have to deal with any stress. But since I've been on holiday for 2 months now I guess it was sort of unavoidable. Anyway, since my insomnia is running rampant and I'm watching VH1 Soul I thought I should blog to release some stress.


This topic has been on my mind a lot recently because my relatives have stepped up in their intensity to find me a suitable Nigerian wife. The audacity! They think because I am 21 and because I have a degree under my belt that there is now no excuse for me not to start looking for a wife. I try to let them know that I have a lot more to accomplish before I even start looking for a wife but my words fall on deaf ears. It has even gotten so deep that one over involved aunty tricked me into coming to her house just so she could set me up with the young lady who was doing her hair. She then proceeded to embarrass the young lady by asking questions like "Do you not think my nephew is handsome?". "You two should get together sometime". "Tell me, do you like him?" all within 2 minutes of us meeting each other. I quickly told her she didn't need to answer any questions and scolded my aunty for making her feel uncomfortable. Although I did later commend my aunty for actually picking a pretty young lady, who was articulate, career driven and had a body to die for. No honestly my mouth literally dropped when I got to view the entirety of her body. At least she found someone who I could be compatible with; which is a lot more than I can say for the "potential wives" other relatives had picked out for me. I should note though - to any reader that I might have mislead, I am not from a family that believe in arranged marriages. Its just for some reason they're putting the job in their hands because I continually tell them that I do not expect to get married. Something which is the closest thing to heresy when it comes to traditional Nigerian thinking.

Forgive me, I am losing focus. Back to the post at hand.

When I say love, I mean intimate love. Love between a man and a woman (or two people of the same sex if you swing that way) who are not related. I know its a not great definition but it is such an ambiguous term that it causes problems when it comes to defining it, but I'm sure you know what I mean. If not just go get a dictionary.

As a young boy I, like many other people, was always curious about this thing called "Love". I mean - What exactly is it? Does it really exist? How can it have such varying effects on people? And probably most importantly - How will I know if I am in love? These are questions I still struggle to come to terms with today. I still find the whole thing........troublesome (I have now moved onto the Shippuden stage in my Shikamaru way of life). But from this young age I decided to start weighing up the different answers, arguments and debates from an objective standpoint. Unsurprisingly, it led me growing up cynical when it came to any matter involving "love".

My early interactions with this troublesome emotion came vicariously through my friend's early relationships. I was not the ladies man I am now back then (okay I'm not even a ladies man now) so I would look at my 14-16 year old friends in absolute disgust whenever they claimed they were "in love". How could anyone at such a young age claim to be in love? Despite my objections the majority adamantly argued that they were in fact in love. It was at this time that I realised the word was overused, misunderstood, said loosely, exaggerated and underestimated all at the same time. I also witnessed how these same people would use the same word as justification for such insane behaviour that in a world run by myself; it would immediately lead to mandatory incarceration in a mental institution. If anything, such behaviour just reinforced my somewhat hostile attitude towards "love". Even now I find it funny that certain peers of mine cannot differentiate being in love from being utterly stupid, I'm sure some would preach that there is no difference.

I often wonder if love would mean the same things if it wasn't consumed by the beast called the mass culture industry. Think about it we have films, books, music, holidays, gifts, TV shows etc. all trying to show us what exactly love is and how it should be expressed but at the end of the day it is all to turn a profit. If we had none of these things, would we still love the same? My opinion is that we wouldn't. I only bring this up because I believe this is where most of my generation get their vision of love from.

It is for this reason I have never told any female that I was involved with that I "was in love with them". Not because I was stubborn, but just because I still didn't know what it meant to be in love. It has been said to me a few times but I never truly believed any female that did reveal this information to me. I am sure you can imagine the fallout with me not responding and after much nagging me just plainly saying "Well. I don't feel that way yet." But I do believe I am perfectly placed to know whether or not I am in love in the future. Hear me out.

I feel I have experienced every emotion that could be misinterpreted as "love". I have had crushes, really liked girls, I have been infatuated, obsessed and lustful amongst many other things. So through the process of trial and error the only real emotion left is love right? I may be wrong but because I've felt these other emotions the next valid emotion I feel must be love, using the process of elimination. I don't know, it still perplexes me. I do not claim to know exactly what love is, which is probably the reason why I am so afraid of it. Yeah, I'll admit it, I am afraid of this thing called "love". But after seeing the so called affects it has on people who wouldn't be.

I even hate the phrase "I think I am falling in love with you". It just highlights the danger and feeling of helplessness most people associate with love. If there is one feeling I can't stand, it is being helpless. As a mature individual that does not want a "conventional" relationship. And by conventional I mean the misguided bullshit they portray love to be in movies, which for some reason is the type of relationship most girls want. However the realist in me will not allow me to succumb to such fantastical and romanticized portrayals of love. I'd rather "rise in love" with someone than fall. Falling always involves some sort of pain. But rising shows growth and control. I am the master of my emotions, they are not the master of me. And I feel anyone that tells me they are falling are secretly telling me this.

I'm sure people who read my blog but don't know me will think "Damn, you are such a pessimist". Trust me it is nothing I haven't heard before. I have had many arguments with starry-eyed people who believe because of my views I am a scrooge. Maybe Andre was right, maybe I am Love Hater. But I refuse to be like the other people I see, destroyed by people they thought they loved because love is such an easy excuse for inexcusable behaviour. I guess I'm just trying to safeguard myself and remain sane against an emotion, chemical reaction or whatever you want to call it, which clearly causes people to lose their rationality. I do not believe love should make you crazy. I believe people do crazy things and use love as an excuse because of its ambiguous nature. Maybe I am fighting a losing battle and will unfortunately fall prey to the same red eyed monster that has consumed so many. But I guarantee you one thing, I'll put up one hell of a fight before I succumb.


I know this post will probably make no sense and has no clear cohesive argument. I have just been writing out random thoughts. I blame it on not sleeping properly in almost 3 days. Yeah you guys must have thought I was joking about the insomnia. Anyway these were just some of my thought processes on the subject. I do not intend to cause insult to anyone who may be reading.


[Note: These are just my opinions. Although I try to remain objective, it is ultimately a subjective issue and I do not question whether mature individuals are really in love. I am merely concerned about how one is supposed to act when they are really in love.]


And if by some sort of divine intervention this song suddenly starts playing on VH1 Soul. I have never heard a song that answers the question so well in musical form.

Remember before you can love anyone else, you must first learn how to love yourself.

Until next time. Be careful when it comes to your foray into the wilderness called love.

Self Realizations.... Coming to Terms with Myself

Since I have a lot of free time on my hands and I just love putting on some mellow music and losing myself within my mind I have come to some realizations.

1) One of the major realizations I have come to is that when it comes to looking retrospectively at the relationships with the females I have been involved with and what ultimately led to all the failures was a familiar trend. On recent reflections the reason why certain people would say I have been "unlucky" when it comes to relationships (which is a huge understatement) is because I have the strange knack of always getting involved with girls instead of women. Allow me to clarify. When I refer to a member of our species who is the owner of a double 'x' chromosome as a girl I am referring to their relative emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sometimes sexual immaturity. This is not to square the blame solely on the females I have been with but the difference in maturity has always caused problems. I have yet to female who shares most of my views when it comes to being in a relationship as complicated as they may be. But I know that I will never find what I am looking for inside of a girl pretending to be a woman. I do not know what it is but there must be something about me that continually attracts me to these girls. Nonetheless it is time I start entering into relationships with mature women if I am to have any hope of being in the kind of 'real' relationship that I envisage within my mind.

2) I have been coasting through life for the last three years. I have always been told that I am an individual with massive potential and I think that it went to my head a little bit. I haven't applied myself like I should have physically, academically or spiritually. That is not to say I have not achieved many things over the last three years, I have achieved loads but I could have achieved a whole lot more. I realise now that I have just been getting by on my natural ability and talent and if I am to be truly great and successful I need to start working harder.

3) Being around my cousin and her husband is teaching me more about relationships and more importantly a marriage than I ever have in my 21 years of existence. Seeing first hand what a young couple have to go through to make a marriage work in such testing times shows me the level of commitment I would need to have if I ever did get married.

4) I also have to admit that not everyone I know can be consistently impervious to my straight talking and sometimes just down right rude ways. I have concentrated more on the new friendships I have formed rather than maintaining the ones I already had. I also shy away from real contact because things like Facebook and MSN have made me lazy. It is for all these reasons that I almost lost a very good friend. I have not been a good friend to a number of people recently and I will try my very best to correct this. All I can ask is if I have inadvertently insulted you recently can you please let me know because I thought everyone got my own particular brand of humour but I was gravely mistaken. And to the friend I almost lost I can only apologize once again - I guess I forgot everything you have done for me and the things you put up with and I am sorry if I ever made you feel if you could no longer talk to me or if I no longer listened to you. You are a close friend that I value and I would never intentionally try to alienate you. But next time if I do something wrong can you please let me know in a much less heartless way.

5) Apologizing sincerely to someone is tough. I used to fake apologies just to shut people up and I was very good at faking sincerity. But when it comes to people I truly care about I have to be genuine.

6) I am still adamant that there is something wrong with my object cathexes. I miss no one at the moment. And all the people who think that telling me that they miss me would only insure to give me a big head - shame on you.

7) I need to start paying the music I love more.

8) I am not afraid to fail but for some reason it does seem like I am afraid to even try in the first place.

9) I know I flip-flop from being a breast man to a bum man and back again, but I think am truly a bum man. There ain't nothing sexier than a female with a nice bum which is proportioned to her body. I don't need a girl with a huge back off but a nicely proportioned one would be enough for me.

10) I have been real lazy in terms of my appearance. Like I put no effort into the way I have chosen to present myself recently. This is mostly down to me having to make sacrifices for the last year which prevented me from buying clothes, but this will all change very soon.

11) I really do need to blog more.

12) Roses really do smell like boo hoo hooooooooo.

13) I am getting really good when it comes to controlling my sexual urges. I will not disclose how long it has been since I was intimate with a female, but it has been a while and it has barely bothered me. Although this may soon change.

14) There are certain things that have happened to me in my life that I thought I had dealt with but it seems like the result of these life experiences have left me deeper mental scars than I had first acknowledged.

15) For the first time in my life, for the first time of me being on holiday - I have nothing to return home for. In the past I have always had something to return to London for but this is no longer the case. After about 18 years of continuous education I finally graduated from Uni and I am done with institutional education for the time being. So there is no academic reason for me to return. But what about my family I hear you say? Well, the days where I needed to remain in a close proximity to my mum are long gone. She is also starting a new life which is kind of forcing me to start my own. My brothers are both starting university and college respectively this month and no matter how much I may deny it, they are becoming men in their own right and I know they do not need me to oversee them as strictly as I did before. I have no girlfriend to return to (which is actually a good thing). As for my many friends, so much stuff has happened in such a short amount of time that it has placed us all on separate paths. The once naive notion that our paths would always somehow stay intertwined is a dead one. We are all growing up and finding our different vocations in life and it is for this reason that I feel both happy and sad. I am happy because I see people progressing but sad because in reality my attachments to all of you have weakened. This is not a bad thing, it is just a fact of life that everyone has different goals and to attain these goals people have to do what they have to do. For every year that I can remember I always had a friend back home who I was happy to return to because they needed me. But this year there is honestly no one that I feel that needs me so much that I need to return home for them specifically. This is not to say I will not be coming back but it does force me to wonder if my future does reside in London. Right now the only thing tying me there is my T-mobile contract and even that expires this month. I guess it is finally time for me to decide what my goals should be.

16) I don't consider myself a relationship expert in any sense of the word but I have somehow continually found myself in the unwanted position of an agony uncle. People seem to think that I must know a thing or two about relationships because I never seem to have any prolonged drama because of them. This is for the mere fact that I am a straight forward individual and I hate, and I repeat, I HATE drama. I nip it in the bud as soon as I see the weed taking root and drench it in weed killer just as an extra precaution. But however much I try to explain to people that ask for my advice that it will not help unless you are an extreme individual like myself I still find my words falling on deaf ears. But still I give out advice to those who ask for it knowing that my words will be wasted and they will do everything opposite to what I advised them to do and land themselves in the big, stinking, steaming pile of cow drama. And I've had enough. So I will no longer be giving advice to people who I feel cannot carry out what I advise them to do. So do not ask if you do not have the testicular or ovarian fortitude to do as I say, if not then what is the point in you asking for advice in the first place?

I cuss people secretly in my head. Don't act like you don't do it too!

So the other day I was in Canterbury for my friends Rave.

Me, Rets, Ross, Nana and Shufflez had all gone down there for a road trip. We had bare joke along the way but this is not the reason for this post.

When we got to the club we were all a lil high and I wasn't really in the mood for raving. One of the reasons I go raving is too make sure I dance I have a good time. If any of you have seen me in a rave skankin it up with my man dem then you know I go hard. Sweatin real hard. However much I pay to get into the rave is the buckets I need to sweat from dancing to make me feel I've got my moneys worth. I don't know if it was that I got in free that I didn't feel like dancing or I just wasn't in the raving mood, but my two feet were not moving to the rhythm of any beat.

Now, when I'm in this mood I can always rely on the fact that there will always be some good eye candy to feast my eyes into. Someone had told me that there were bare choong girls in Kent as well so I was a little excited.

I WAS EXTREMELY DISAPPOINTED!

Every girl that walked past me, different phrases kept flashing through my head:

"Ergghh Buttaz" ..............................

"Lol, Fucked up weave".........................

"Can't dress"......................

"What did I say about obese people in raves?? BAN THEM"..............

"Flat bum"......................................

"No Breasts"...............................

"Fuck, How can you smell like that?".......................

"Didn't try"................................

"Plz don't look at me like that. I'm not looking at you cos' I think your nice and I'm deciding if I should move to you or not. I'm looking at you because I can't believe your face looks like that all the time!".........................

And it went on and on and on.
I mean I was disappointed, but at least I kept myself entertained. I think I kept others entertained as well because I other people had caught on to what I was doing from when every girl that passed me I would just start shaking my head in disappointment.

After that, I realised "evaluating" people in my head is something I do a lot. I mean I just can't help it, my mind is always working. I mean, before I even know it my brain already has 6 bullets of cussing ammo loaded in the insult shotgun ready to explode out of my mouth.

But the thing is; it rarely does. I like the idea that my mind is my own personal territory that no one else can penetrate. If only you people knew what passed through my head sometimes.......................you would be shocked, trust me. But don't start getting paranoid now.

Its just who I am.............What can I say?

I just have a very sick and twisted mynd. LOL

Would You Save A Stranger??

Yh I know I'm a waste man for not posting when I said I would.

But between working and writing a dissertation I have no time to do anything but I've been feeling overly creative recently and I had to release something.

So because a few of you wonderful people know that my dissertation is on youth violence, quite a number of you text me a couple of nights ago telling me to watch channel 4 because you thought it was relevant to my disso.

It wasn't that relevant at all but it was interesting none the less.

And it poses the very real question that in any given situation when another member of our society is in trouble would we help them even if it meant risk to our own well being?

Now being where we are from, it is an unspoken rule that you just simply don't get involved in someone else's affairs if it does not concern you. It is not your beef so why should you get involved? Which is very true and it also protects you. Because even a polite "what's going on" can lead to the tables turning on you and before you know it your in a life threatening situation.

There was one story when a little boy was getting rushed on a packed bus by a group of like 15 youths and everyone just ignored it like it was not happening. Which I thought was shocking but I questioned myself and I would have probably done the same thing.

I remember going to a temp job around Christmas times like 2 years ago and I was on Tottenham High Road at like 5:30 in the morning. I was walking towards the bus stop and there seemed to be one crazy guy talking to two people. As I got closer I realised it was a typical "Jacking" situation where the guy was searching the guys looking for possessions he could steal.

Now I just walked past pretending not to see what was happening, just praying the guy did not see me as a potential victim because it was way too early for me to start fighting. But my bus came and I hopped on it just thankful this crazy guy had not tried to approach me. I do not know what happened to the other two guys.............................

And that's just the thing. In this day and age even if we see someone is in need of help, would we help them?
I'm sure the usual things run through our heads...

"Its not my place to get involved"

"What about if I get hurt trying to help this person?"

"Maybe they deserve it, who knows, they might have a valid reason for wanting to hurt the person?"

The documentary told the story of a woman called Roisin whose son had seen some children getting jacked and he decided to go and intervene. Unfortunately, he was fatally stabbed by the guy who was doing the jacking. A sad story I know but a real one. There is no guarantee when intervening in a dangerous situation that you will come out safe the other side.

There was another story of a guy who was getting his head kicked in by some crazy guy, luckily a passer by and a wife came to the guys rescue and saved his life.

So what would your choice be?

I guess it all comes down to what you could live with.
Could you live with the fact that a person died when it was well within your means to help them?
Or could you not live with the fact that by you helping someone it could end up with you being the one seriously harmed and your friends and family grieving over you.

I don't really have an answer, guess you just have to be in that type of situation.

SO...........................Most girls are Rihanna now??

WHATS UP PEOPLE??????????????????????????????

Yeah Yeah Yeah, I KNOW! I ain't put up a proper blog post in time, but llow me. I've been over busy recently. But I'm taking a few minutes out of my busy schedule to bless you with some well deserved observations from within MIKEZ WORLD. I mean its only fair, you guys have been waiting a while now.

Now if you're one of my FB friends then you know I put up rather controversial status updates form time to time. Now over the last month or so I've been seeing more and more females with a certain hairstyle. I know you know which one I'm talking about. One of my female friends referred to them as "bangs", its like the female version of the mohicans bare man dem have back in endz. But yeah it is hairstyle that Rihanna does very well:
I have to admit Rihanna looks good in her chosen hairstyle. But too many times have I walked past females that cannot see where they are going because the fringe is covering their eyes and trying to reach down to their lips. I mean why does your fringe have to be that extreme? God gave you eyes for a reason. I think "bangs" is a suitable name for this hairstyle because that's what sound you will hear when you walk straight into a street lamp if you're not careful. That's not to say I have not seen girls pull of this hairstyle, cos I have. BUT that does not mean that everyone is able too. Now for Rihanna, it is not merely a hairstyle, it is a clever cover because she has an unusually large forehead:SHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET.

Anyway it is not hard to see why I call it the "Cousin IT" hairstyle:





Also, again Rihanna is known for wearing lipstick, which again I say she can pull off:


But too many females have this "if she can do it, then I can too" attitude which is simply not true. There have been too many FB photo albums I look through with females thinking they'll just dab some lipstick on and just end up looking horrendous. If you do not look good with lipstick on then just LEAVE IT ALONE!!

Better to look normal with no lipstick on than gamble and end up looking like a Victorian prostitute. Hopefully my advice will be heeded.

But anyway certain people are starting to think I'm a female hater cos one too many of posts have been dedicated to the failings of their looks so I promise I won't do anyhting like this for a while. Just had to do this one to get it off my chect.

What is it with these fresh African girls with their scarred up faces thinking they're Beyonce?

This post is in response to a Facebook status I had a couple of months ago which got a lot of interesting responses. The actual phrase was coined by my cousin (I added the tribal scars bit) when we went to an Nigerian function together about a year ago. Now we went there just planning to have a good time and obviously feast our eyes on the beauty Africa had to offer. Unfortunately African beauty couldn't it make it that night and sent ugliness in its place as a very poor substitute.
Instead of a nice group of females who I could talk to I was faced with the hostile and snotty attitude of a group of African females. It was a thing where we had walked in and before we had even collected out plate of jollof rice and assorted meats these girls were already looking at us like we were vermin. They gave us the "Don't even try move to us, otherwise you're going to get turfed" kind of look. One of them even had the skill to cut her eyes, kiss her teeth and turn her nose up at us all at the same time. I could hear their tough African accents getting gassed cos' they thought they were the shit.
I mean I could understand if you are choong and ever since you were 15 you've had all manner of boys trying to move to you and you just don't want the hassle. But when I say these girls were ugly, I mean U.G.L.Y. I know some of you might seem that the word is harsh, but honestly there is no other word I can think of to fully encapsulate the emotions that ran through my body when I proper took time to gaze upon their faces. If you're ugly then you're ugly, there's no two ways about it. I'm sorry its just that simple.

Now on a later reflection I was wondering if there was a mirror shortage that I did not know about at the time. Because it must be obvious to someone who is good looking impaired that they are ugly. There is a constant reminder when they look in the mirror, when they pass a shop window, even when they pass a car. So I'm baffled as to where this attitude of choongness comes from. That for me is one of the audacious crimes a person can commit. To go on choong when you are ugly.

Now if your memory is failing you at the moment just lemme give you a little reminder of what Beyonce looks like:
Beyonce is no doubt a beautiful woman and it is understandable why African females would see her a suitable role model to base themselves upon. I started thinking maybe it was because these girls probably thought that they had bodies which entitled to such a sour attitude. Now we know African females are known for having bodies, but this is still no excuse.

These African girls were butterz, and i mean:

............................BUTTERZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't even get me started on the tribal scars I was seeing as well. You see those ones where the cuts look like the same ones on freshly baked bread. Ones where the cuts are so deep it still looks like the skin is being stretched apart. And the cuts are so deep you can start to see the white of the cheekbones.

Most of these African girls would like to believe they look like Beyonce or if they know they have a body at least like this:

But in reality you're closer to this:




Now don't get me wrong. I know a lot of beautiful African females and I love my African sisters. Its just these ugly ones that think too much of themselves that I can't stand. And ladies I'm sure there are certain guys out there that you feel exactly the same about.

All I'm saying is your daddy may have gassed your head with tales of princesses and that you are beautiful and these off the boat African guys have told you every lie under the sun to get you into bed but PLEASE stop fooling yourselves. Don't allow an ugly personality go hand in hand with your ugly face as well.

Peace xxxx