I Guess It Was Kind Of My Fault As Well

You know the routine. I apologise for not blogging for a while. You express your anger and disappointment. You say this is the last time and you will be leaving for good this time. I give you the old wink and smile and watch you slowly become putty in my hands. You reluctantly give into me and make me promise I won't make you wait so long anymore. I promise but I secretly have my fingers crossed behind my back. So lets skip all that today and just get to what I have on my mind since that's what you're here for.


While I was catching up on the few debate/discussion pages I am fan of on Facebook I came across something very interesting. I detest the mass numbers of newly made 'Facebook philosopher's' opinions I have to read on a daily basis but once in a while you come across someone who actually has a good critique of social behaviour that it makes me want to stand and clap in front of my laptop screen. Also because I have been struggling with ideas for posts at the moment this was great inspiration. The discussion had to do with the supposed problem between black men and women having successful relationships.

"Among other things, the problem is the psychopathic game of impression management that's played between the genders. Everybody presents themselves as either flawless or flawed-less. Every failed relationship they've ever had is always because of the other person. Very few people own up to their own personal role in damaged relationships. And when people in front of us present themselves in this way, we usually take it as "wow, this person is quite a catch". We don't realize that we're the next contestant and predesignated winner of the "it's all your fault" competition."


This short but amazing passage really struck a chord within me because I was so guilty of this same kind of impression management that it made me extremely embarrassed. Humans are beings that will always try to exonerate themselves of blame or fault when it comes to any given situation, especially relationships. It's very hard for a person to raise their hand and admit when something was their fault. I mean it's blindingly obvious why people don't, especially when it comes to relationships. We all seem to ride the excuse bandwagon from time to time. How seriously would you take someone who openly admitted to their defects and mistakes when it came to their previous engagements with the opposite sex? The thing is, aside from the obviously psychotic, people who do this honestly should be commended. Doing such a thing shows development and acknowledgement of prior mistakes with the intent of correcting them. Long gone are the days when I used to portray myself as almost perfect, my track record with females renders that implausible. I always say that the first thing that would cross my mind if I met a seemingly amazing female who was single would not be "wow I'm so lucky" but "What are you hiding from me? Because someone so amazing can't possibly be single for no reason, she must be crazy." Unfortunately I failed to look at my self in the same cynical light. I'm not crazy or anything but I have my fair share of flaws that have led to the dissolution of a few relationships.

 So because I love my blog and I keep no secrets from her; here is a list of some of my flaws that have led to my repeated failures in relationships. Yes I'm going to be brave and raise my hand up.




My emotional unavailability. This is probably my biggest flaw. I don't know why but I have a problem accessing and thus expressing my emotions. I find it even harder to provide emotional support for people. I am not the person to come to if you need some consolation or pity. Unfortunately most females need this emotional support for any potential relationship to blossom, so you see my dilemma. But the females I encounter are happy at first to wait for the emotional and settle for the physical as a temporary substitute. But like my youth spent waiting for Santa... it never comes. I portray myself to be an open book but I have recently admitted to myself that I'm never really open when it counts. I guess certain females that walked away from me figured this out before I did.

My sometimes hectic schedule. My life switches between being slow a serene to fast and hectic without a moments notice. For this reason I often find it hard to squeeze females I am seeing into my weekly plans. I have a clear set of priorities and I am not known to clear my schedule just to see someone, I would already have to be free which is difficult because I am rarely given advance warning when I need to travel somewhere. I guess if I had to sum up it would be my inability to be flexible. Being honest, in my list of priorities females are not at the top of it. Neither are they in the middle.


My laid back attitudes when it comes to argumentsSupposedly getting angry shows you care? Anyway, my laissez faire attitude has led to many less than amicable relationship terminations.



My close female friends. I seem to friend zone females very easily (Yes, guys can do the friend zone thing as well) just to save everyone some trouble. Out of these I have come to acquire some of my closest and most trusted confidantes. Somehow some females become confused when they see I have numerous relationships with females that are purely platonic and they start becoming a little paranoid. My female friends are also impossibly hard to please and any choice I make on a potential partner is never the right one. Where I messed up was explicitly telling potentials that there was a hierarchy and for the foreseeable future my female friends in most situations would come before them. Next time I know just to keep my mouth shut and deal with things on an individual basis rather than indirectly make a female think she has no chance in ever getting close to me.




I'm kind of a Freudian. I have often been criticised for over thinking situations. Due to my psychological background and high level of education I can't help but look at things from angles people wouldn't realise to think from. Sometimes I can't help but psychoanalyse someone. I often get carried away and create situations for no reason.


My reluctance to give in to unreasonable demands. I often see my friends in their relationships  give into to the silliest of demands all in the name of "compromise".  My friend Eric had something to say about this word. I agree it is an essential part of any relationship but there is a difference between compromise and giving into neurotic insecurities. I strongly believe that any silly behaviour that isn't immediately discouraged is encouraged. Before you know it you would have stopped talking to all your friends just because your partner asked you too. Nonsense.
Unfortunately I am a firm advocate of "it's either my way or the highway..." it is the one area I can honestly say I am a control freak.

I'm not the "Break up, make up" type. This is pretty self explanatory. I'm more of a "You only get one chance" type of guy. There is a word associated with a couple that everyone else can see should just call it quits - Weaklings. And I'll be damned if I ever become such a person. Unfortunately I could have potentially lost out on some great relationships just because of my stubborn refusal to fight for a female.



That's it for now. Can't be bothered to look at myself in such a critical light any longer. I urge all my readers to "raise their hands" and admit to the things they had done that led to certain relationships never working out. Obviously you don't have to do it in such a public way of course.


Sidenote: For the purposes of this post the term "relationship" has been used very loosely to describe any interaction I have had with a female that started with the desire to get to know each other and hoped it would lead to something more. I have no problem meeting females, it just never gets to the actual relationship stage. I don't want you guys thinking I'm one of those insecure serial daters who is afraid to be alone. I have only ever been in one proper relationship and the less said about that the better.

Peace out.

The Experiment: Concluded

This post is long overdue.

I was supposed to write three posts detailing my thoughts and feelings after the failure of my experiment. I put it off for a long time because the first "denial" post was just nonsense. It was incoherent and pointless. But I just could not articulate how I felt. And I still can't.

As a writer (can I really call myself that?) it infuriates me when I can't take my feelings and thoughts and transfer them to a physical/digital medium exactly how I want them to. So for that reason I decided not to bother writing the "Acceptance?" and "Relapse" posts I had planned.

It has been difficult. Letting someone go is not always as easy as I make it seem. I had to admit to myself I needed to actually get over "my experiment". It wasn't love, far from it. But it was the role she fulfilled that I miss the most. A vessel which I could use when my own body could not take any more of my own fears, opinions. feelings, frustrations, creativity, anger etc. I am not lying when I say that most of the time this is all over flowing within me. Eventually it all became too much for her. Understandable

I go through all the stages every week. But like they say time is a healer but damn is it slow. And because none of my friends have been available for me to have a proper talk about this, my blog is the only way I can really work through my feelings. Guess I need better friends. But I'm sure it's just me.


Anyway, thanks for reading. Sorry if this didn't make sense. My creativity is abstract.

Wishing successful experiments to all my readers.

Can Someone Answer This Question For Me?

I've been trying to answer this question for a while now. Still no luck.




I think the song is amazing. So simple but yet it manages to capture a feeling many people would struggle to put into words let alone making it into a song. Absolutely love the video.

Faithful.

I'm an observer. And one thing from my observations that I just cannot seem to grasp is the nonchalant attitude some of my male peers have when it comes to being faithful. I am not a preacher so I'm not in the business of telling people that morally; what they are doing is wrong. Like I said I'm an observer which means I make sure the person fully understands the consequences of their actions and then when it all blows up in their face I sit and watch them formulate every excuse under the sun as to why they should not be held accountable for their actions. So this will not be a post arguing that being unfaithful is wrong, that is a relative question which serves little purpose. Rather this will be a post trying to explain the behaviour of my peers from my own unique perspective and the hypocritical excuses I have heard over the years.

I have never cheated on any female I have been involved with. A statement that I'm sure will be met with scepticism but I'm being serious. When you take into account that I have ever only been in one serious (semi) serious relationship it suddenly doesn't become that hard to believe. Although it was a disastrous relationship that many people would not have blamed me if I did cheat but I still didn't. I'm such a man of principle that I stayed unhappy than do the normal (scumbag) course of action and cheat on my girlfriend when she is pissing me off or slacking on her girlfriend duties. If I ever did feel the uncontrollable urge to cheat on a partner I'd like to think I'd be man enough to call them up and break things off. Its still deep but its better than the alternative and at least I'd have a clear conscience.

From the male perspective of my generation of my generation there are many reasons to start on a course of infidelity. Over the years I have been able to watch many relationships form and dissolve and I still can't get to grips with certain behaviours. As with any relationship; there are good times and then there are bad times. But you also have latent times when a relationship is not good nor bad, it's just normal when the two participants are so comfortable with each other it seems like they are standing still. I guess cheating when stuff is bad is understandable but it is still a cop out in my eyes. It's the infidelity at the good or latent periods I just cannot get my head around.

The most prevalent behavioural pattern I have identified is that males feel some sort of entitlement to have as many females as they so choose. There seems to be no sense of guilt or remorse when a guy has a girlfriend he repeatedly cheats on because as far as their justification goes - "it's just what guys do." They love their main partner but they still want other females, it should be an understandable desire. I know this is not very clear but no one who I have tried to get an explanation out of could give me a straight answer - it is supposedly a kind of instinctual urge.

Another pattern is more commonly used amongst males that have been in a relationship for more than a year or so. They have been fine and never tempted. But there seems to come a point when these guys need to find out "if they still have it." So they tell themselves engaging in a new relationship while already in one is just to get the dust off their skills of attraction. But surely this shouldn't matter if you already have the one you love right? Which means they worked very well and you don't need anymore test subjects.

Within this pattern is the need for new female attention which very few guys will own up to needing. Everyone likes a bit of attention form the opposite sex once in a while but for a specific few this is a need akin to a crack head needing his next fix. Dramatic? I think not. It is an insatiable need for female attention that can never be fully quenched by a solitary female. I'm sure this sort of behaviour can be traced back to infantile mummy issues but I could not care less.

There are many more of these behavioural patterns I could describe but I don't want to be here all night. So the final one I will detail is the one I've witnessed on the "boys group holiday". You know the ones I'm talking about: The one where a guy and a few of his friends goes to a morally questionable sexual holiday destination. You know the places: Miami, Amsterdam, Napa, Brazil etc. The justification for this is that there will no doubt be single males on this trip who will be enjoying life to the full and he wouldn't want to miss out on the fun just because you have a silly little thing called a girlfriend. Further justification is the use of the following mantra@

"Whatever happens in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination) stays in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination)."

Besides there is always a little bit of competition on such holidays and committed males will eventually be dragged into showing how well they can compete. To all my female readers that have partners who have been on or are going on such holidays and feel that their better half has no intention of being unfaithful I have to say you are sadly deluded. Okay so I don't want to be the cause of numerous break ups so I will accept that there maybe 5% of males who do not have this inclination and hopefully your partner falls within this percentile.

But these are all excuses to me. And the hypocrisy rears its ugly head when these males were asked how they would react if they found out their girl was cheating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to assume that the replies ranged from moral outrage to physical violence. But as I say the majority of this generation is mentally ill and hopefully through little wake up calls like this, as a whole we can start getting better.

Cheating for me is the infantile behaviour reserved for men who are morally and principally too weak to engage in adult relationships. But I ain't about to purely bash on my own species. Females are guilty of all the same things I have mentioned. A few months ago I met a smart female who admitted that she was once like me. She proceeded to give me one of those laughs you give to people after they've made a naive/idealist statement. It startled me because I wondered if I could one day cave in on my principles and justify cheating as a careless action as she did. That's what intelligent people do when they cave in on a principle that they thought was steadfast. They justify it by fully embracing and undermining the severity of the action. Just take it from me and don't continue to to call them a 'scumbag' because even though they accept what they did was wrong, they don't like to be chastised for it.

Fortunately one of my greatest strengths is that I am a man of principle. I'm a little old fashioned like that. There are just certain things I will not bend on and faithfulness is one of them. I think it goes back to my younger days when I used to watch Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer to fill the gap between watching the CBBC/CITV late afternoon lineup. Seeing the emotional devastation that ensued after the confession of sexual infidelity always shocked me. Even though at a young age I never fully understood what sex was I knew it wasn't anything to be taken lightly when a partner and/or family was involved. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be the reason to cause such hurt to a fellow human being because of such an action. Most of all, I'd detest being called a scum bag as well.

Reading back on this post I know I said I wouldn't try to give a moral opinion on unfaithfulness but it's clear I failed. I'm sorry I just cannot respect people who cheat. It's just the way I've been conditioned. And to anyone who may have taken insult by indirectly being called a scum bag because they have cheated, please do not take my words too seriously. I also think anybody that supports Liverpool FC is a scumbag. It's just a word, whatever connotations you add to it is purely your own doing. I know its hard being committed to a single person in such an environment and I know the smart ones will use African culture that saw nothing wrong with polygamy and western social conditioning as arguments, which I fully understand and agree with but this may be used by stupid people to further justify their actions without really understanding what these arguments mean. It's because of people like this that I truly believe the mantle of 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' means nothing.

Lets just be faithful to one another. A relationship should be a serious thing. Why do people act like its not?

Happy mental health to all.

I'm No Relationship Expert...

No seriously. I kid you not. This really should have been a point in my previous post but I felt this point need to be expounded upon. I do not know why I personally get asked questions I know very little about. Ask me about Freudian psychoanalysis, Black History, LOST or Marxism and I'll be in my element, but ask about relationships and I'll be stumped - they are just not my thing. I hate talking or giving advice on subjects I have very little knowledge about. But yet I am still asked for advice? I can only deduce that people ask me because they know I am a "straight up and straight talking" kind of guy. I tell it exactly how it is and don't beat around the bush.

I guess you would think this would make me successful when it came to my endeavours with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, I am a huge and utter FAILURE. No seriously. One of the biggest gripes I have with my generation is the mass production of 'Dear Janes and Johns' (although this is a majority female dominated field). People are dishing out relationship advice even when it is not requested. I'm part of a generation who feel entitled to speak on any topic they want to with minimal amount of research done. Pure speculation, hearsay, conjecture and opinions. Purely polemic. How do you reason with a generation that think they are right about everything? Personally, in an Ogundare-run Britain I would ban single people from giving relationship advice. I know, idealist and a little totalitarian but let me get back to reality. If you are a perennially single person who always has troubles in love and relationships what exactly qualifies you to be a 'relationship expert'? The last girl I was involved with dished out this advice like nobodies business, but she couldn't even manage a civil conversation with me yet alone a relationship but she was endorsing herself like a book featured on Oprah.

Last year I wrote in a blog post that I would no longer be giving relationship advice to people that I did not feel had the necessary "testicular fortitude" needed to carry out my advice. This was only half the story. I had realised that I could not be giving out advice on something I have never been successful at? How many failed business entrepreneurs are giving lectures right now on how their business plans failed to get off the ground for big bucks? Like I said I'm a failure when it comes to relationships and I HATE failing - at anything. But I have to admit this obvious truth. So please do not rely on me to give you tips on how to have a successful relationship. However, if you want advice on how to self destruct your relationship into a million pieces and make sure your ex holds a grudge against you for an indefinite amount of time.... THEN I AM YOUR MAN!

The only thing I can do is warn you if I feel that your decisions or actions may lead to more trouble in the long run because I am expert in that. Just be real. But like I've said before I seem to be one of the few rational people in a generation full of delusional love-loving agony aunts and uncles. But I fear I am fighting a losing battle. People will have a sense of entitlement regardless. Guess I need to speed up my plans for world domination.

To be honest I don't think I will ever understand why humans yearn for sexually exclusive heterosexual (or gay/bi-sexual) companionship. I guess it is one of the few areas you could call me socially awkward in.


(Un)happy relationships to all.

It seems like the ideals of "common sense" and a "relationship" are mutually incompatible. Guess this is where I've been going wrong. - Michael Ogundare

The Experiment: Movement One - Denial

With something as delicate as this I understand one must go through a number of stages. For the benefit of the subsequent posts I will be following the stages Ms Badu used on the song 'Green Eyes'.


You are wrong.

I guess what I feel most is disappointment. I am not angry, miserable or heartbroken. I feel a lot of little things but no single one big enough for it to have a word as a feeling. But if I combine all these things together the nearest word I can find in my vocabulary is......disappointment, although even this word is seriously lacking. I'm disappointed in myself, in your "reasons" and how you chose to give up.

I still don't really understand what went wrong. Yeah we'd argue, but who doesn't? Yeah we don't see exactly eye-to-eye but who does? You probably think it was the "noble" thing to do but I feel like you jumped ship first due to you thinking I would possible do it first and that you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout.

Or was it your confusion? Like I said carry on saying you did it for "us" but its clear your motivations were purely selfish. For all the time it took you to finally become serious this how you reward my patience?

I don't even know how to feel, what to write or how to think.
I'm just kinda......disappointed.

11 Songs That Will Definitely Make You Fall Into A Downward Spiral Of Depression If Kept On Repeat After A Breakup

I love music, I love it, I love it, I love it. Doesn't matter what genre it is, as long as I like it thats all that matters which is why I was heavily into Empire of The Sun last year. But this isn't about my love of music and what it means to me, although I'm sure that post is coming soon. Now because I love music so much it is constantly playing in my room so when my zombie of a phone does actually ring I'm usually met with the callous utterance "Can you turn down your music please! Gosh your such a freak." Don't these people understand that when I'm told to turn down MY music it is akin to asking me to stab myself in the heart? I DON'T CARE IF IT IS LOUD, I LOVE IT! In secondary school I used to flip out like the guy in 'There's Something About Mary' whenever anyone even came near to my headphones. People had to first get my attention and then have my permission to carefully remove my headphones, say what they needed to say, and then carefully slot them back into my ears. That's how seriously I took music. Anti-social I know but I had serious issues as a teenager and music was my only form of escapism.

Anyway, back to the reason for this post. Recently I have noticed a trend when I'm on the phone to my friends and they say "Why are you playing that song? It sounds so depressing. Long gone are the days (16/TONYA- if you don't know read my old posts) when I listened to music and it got me depressed over someone that I couldn't have. But I'll take inspiration for me to share music to the world in whatever form it may come. So here are 10 songs that if left on repeat will leave you in a deranged state after you have just been broken up with...

1) Brian McKnight - Anytime




2) Kem - I Can't Stop Loving You




3) Eric Roberson - Pen Just Cries Away




4) Usher - You Got It Bad




5) Daft Punk - Something About Us




6) Floetry - Hey You




7) Erykah Badu - Green Eyes




8) Shai - If I Ever Fall In Love




9) Jill Scott - Cross My Mind




10) Andre 3000 - She Lives In My Lap




11) Musiq - Halfcrazy



12) Ok I lied there is one last song guaranteed to tip you over the edge to insanity, but its not a definitive song I can simply place in this list. The last song is "your song". Whatever song which belonged to you and the person you split from, you know "your song". For me it used to be Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning and that's not even a depressing song...and that's the point. Nothing can bring forth stronger memories or emotions than this last song. So be careful, I don't need to be the catalyst for people being institutionalised. Although these songs are depressing and do put you into a kind of melancholy state I truly believe that songs like these also help you to heal. Through all the pain, regardless of whether you acknowledge it or not, you are simultaneously healing.

C'est la vie.

The Experiment

Over the last two years I have had many encounters with the opposite sex and the majority of them have always ended the same. The female in question after a period of time would always express her dissatisfaction about how little she really knew about me. That is not to say she knew nothing at all but there was very little she knew past the superficial. All this was very intentional and I never let any female get to know me past a certain point. Most likely this was just to protect myself. This ultimately led to the female becoming disillusioned and dissolving the promising relationship. Which never really bothered me because I never really cared. So after having this same conversation numerous times with numerous females over the last two years I kinda got a little pissed off. What did these females really want me? If you know me; you know I am not the bastion for the purity of relationships. I am firmly grounded in reality and past the glaringly obvious; I still do not see what real purpose relationships serve. But I've already blogged about that.

After having a string of debates about my "relationship practices" my defence was that I always felt that if I ever really opened up to a female she wouldn't be able to handle the real me. This was my defence and I stood by it. A lot of people can barely handle me as it is so what would happen if I revealed every facet of my complicated psyche to a solitary female? I gathered that it would just lead to a whole bunch of problems which I wasn't prepared to deal with. But this was based on nothing but assumption. The prosecution (my friends) rightly countered by arguing that before I come to such a conclusion that maybe I should actually take a chance and open up to someone and see if they truly can handle me, instead of deciding for them that they can't without even giving them an adequate chance. My immediate reaction that this was nothing short of blasphemy in the court of 'me'. Back then I thought it was a ludicrous idea - just shows how much more growing I have to do, which is a lot.

But my defence was slowly chipped away at and I was left with a single question to face:

"How long are you going to keep doing the same experiment but still keep expecting the result to somehow be different?"

Seriously, what was I expecting?
For Einstein this was the very definition of madness and I ain't trying to be mad out here. So I decided to proceed onto a different experiment - to finally let a female get to know the real me, with the outcome hopefully leading to an exclusive committed adult sexual relationship. All that I needed was a willing test subject.

The experiment lasted approximately seven months. To put it simply it failed. My assumptions were confirmed. But positives can be taken from it. My methodology needs a bit of tweaking but I'm not going to use the findings of this single experiment as justification to revert to the old me. But failure is still a kick in the teeth.

The following posts will be me trying to deal with this failure. . .

LOVE?

It has been a tension filled week people. You would think being on holiday means you wouldn't have to deal with any stress. But since I've been on holiday for 2 months now I guess it was sort of unavoidable. Anyway, since my insomnia is running rampant and I'm watching VH1 Soul I thought I should blog to release some stress.


This topic has been on my mind a lot recently because my relatives have stepped up in their intensity to find me a suitable Nigerian wife. The audacity! They think because I am 21 and because I have a degree under my belt that there is now no excuse for me not to start looking for a wife. I try to let them know that I have a lot more to accomplish before I even start looking for a wife but my words fall on deaf ears. It has even gotten so deep that one over involved aunty tricked me into coming to her house just so she could set me up with the young lady who was doing her hair. She then proceeded to embarrass the young lady by asking questions like "Do you not think my nephew is handsome?". "You two should get together sometime". "Tell me, do you like him?" all within 2 minutes of us meeting each other. I quickly told her she didn't need to answer any questions and scolded my aunty for making her feel uncomfortable. Although I did later commend my aunty for actually picking a pretty young lady, who was articulate, career driven and had a body to die for. No honestly my mouth literally dropped when I got to view the entirety of her body. At least she found someone who I could be compatible with; which is a lot more than I can say for the "potential wives" other relatives had picked out for me. I should note though - to any reader that I might have mislead, I am not from a family that believe in arranged marriages. Its just for some reason they're putting the job in their hands because I continually tell them that I do not expect to get married. Something which is the closest thing to heresy when it comes to traditional Nigerian thinking.

Forgive me, I am losing focus. Back to the post at hand.

When I say love, I mean intimate love. Love between a man and a woman (or two people of the same sex if you swing that way) who are not related. I know its a not great definition but it is such an ambiguous term that it causes problems when it comes to defining it, but I'm sure you know what I mean. If not just go get a dictionary.

As a young boy I, like many other people, was always curious about this thing called "Love". I mean - What exactly is it? Does it really exist? How can it have such varying effects on people? And probably most importantly - How will I know if I am in love? These are questions I still struggle to come to terms with today. I still find the whole thing........troublesome (I have now moved onto the Shippuden stage in my Shikamaru way of life). But from this young age I decided to start weighing up the different answers, arguments and debates from an objective standpoint. Unsurprisingly, it led me growing up cynical when it came to any matter involving "love".

My early interactions with this troublesome emotion came vicariously through my friend's early relationships. I was not the ladies man I am now back then (okay I'm not even a ladies man now) so I would look at my 14-16 year old friends in absolute disgust whenever they claimed they were "in love". How could anyone at such a young age claim to be in love? Despite my objections the majority adamantly argued that they were in fact in love. It was at this time that I realised the word was overused, misunderstood, said loosely, exaggerated and underestimated all at the same time. I also witnessed how these same people would use the same word as justification for such insane behaviour that in a world run by myself; it would immediately lead to mandatory incarceration in a mental institution. If anything, such behaviour just reinforced my somewhat hostile attitude towards "love". Even now I find it funny that certain peers of mine cannot differentiate being in love from being utterly stupid, I'm sure some would preach that there is no difference.

I often wonder if love would mean the same things if it wasn't consumed by the beast called the mass culture industry. Think about it we have films, books, music, holidays, gifts, TV shows etc. all trying to show us what exactly love is and how it should be expressed but at the end of the day it is all to turn a profit. If we had none of these things, would we still love the same? My opinion is that we wouldn't. I only bring this up because I believe this is where most of my generation get their vision of love from.

It is for this reason I have never told any female that I was involved with that I "was in love with them". Not because I was stubborn, but just because I still didn't know what it meant to be in love. It has been said to me a few times but I never truly believed any female that did reveal this information to me. I am sure you can imagine the fallout with me not responding and after much nagging me just plainly saying "Well. I don't feel that way yet." But I do believe I am perfectly placed to know whether or not I am in love in the future. Hear me out.

I feel I have experienced every emotion that could be misinterpreted as "love". I have had crushes, really liked girls, I have been infatuated, obsessed and lustful amongst many other things. So through the process of trial and error the only real emotion left is love right? I may be wrong but because I've felt these other emotions the next valid emotion I feel must be love, using the process of elimination. I don't know, it still perplexes me. I do not claim to know exactly what love is, which is probably the reason why I am so afraid of it. Yeah, I'll admit it, I am afraid of this thing called "love". But after seeing the so called affects it has on people who wouldn't be.

I even hate the phrase "I think I am falling in love with you". It just highlights the danger and feeling of helplessness most people associate with love. If there is one feeling I can't stand, it is being helpless. As a mature individual that does not want a "conventional" relationship. And by conventional I mean the misguided bullshit they portray love to be in movies, which for some reason is the type of relationship most girls want. However the realist in me will not allow me to succumb to such fantastical and romanticized portrayals of love. I'd rather "rise in love" with someone than fall. Falling always involves some sort of pain. But rising shows growth and control. I am the master of my emotions, they are not the master of me. And I feel anyone that tells me they are falling are secretly telling me this.

I'm sure people who read my blog but don't know me will think "Damn, you are such a pessimist". Trust me it is nothing I haven't heard before. I have had many arguments with starry-eyed people who believe because of my views I am a scrooge. Maybe Andre was right, maybe I am Love Hater. But I refuse to be like the other people I see, destroyed by people they thought they loved because love is such an easy excuse for inexcusable behaviour. I guess I'm just trying to safeguard myself and remain sane against an emotion, chemical reaction or whatever you want to call it, which clearly causes people to lose their rationality. I do not believe love should make you crazy. I believe people do crazy things and use love as an excuse because of its ambiguous nature. Maybe I am fighting a losing battle and will unfortunately fall prey to the same red eyed monster that has consumed so many. But I guarantee you one thing, I'll put up one hell of a fight before I succumb.


I know this post will probably make no sense and has no clear cohesive argument. I have just been writing out random thoughts. I blame it on not sleeping properly in almost 3 days. Yeah you guys must have thought I was joking about the insomnia. Anyway these were just some of my thought processes on the subject. I do not intend to cause insult to anyone who may be reading.


[Note: These are just my opinions. Although I try to remain objective, it is ultimately a subjective issue and I do not question whether mature individuals are really in love. I am merely concerned about how one is supposed to act when they are really in love.]


And if by some sort of divine intervention this song suddenly starts playing on VH1 Soul. I have never heard a song that answers the question so well in musical form.

Remember before you can love anyone else, you must first learn how to love yourself.

Until next time. Be careful when it comes to your foray into the wilderness called love.

This is why relationships are bullshit.

Just a little something to compliment the previous post.

This is kinda what happened between me and Tonya except without all the gore and blood but I'm sure you'll get the picture.

So Why Exactly Has He Changed?

I know I am an inconsistent blogger, but I'm busy. Trust it burns me not to blog but I have to concentrate on other things at the moment. So this will just be a quick one.

So as I was surfing through the pages of Facebook I came along my friend's status update which I thought was very interesting, it read:

"-----

wants to know why do guys act like sweet gentlemen at the beginning of something new, then a couple months later rip of their masks and reveal the TRUE DOG behind their imposterous identity??? I want to know!"

I thought it would have been obvious, I mean do females really need this questione answered? Its so simple. I mean its staring you right in the face.
Anyway after certain people asked me to elaborate I gave reasons for what might cause a sudden change in the attitude of someone you are getting to know on that level. So here is what I wrote:


1) Guys know what to do in order "snare" or "entrap" a woman. They know they need to be as emotionally & physically attractive as possible. Now in most cases guys are just trying to "beat" and run. Guys are very crafty in the sense they will zero in on everything you want in a guy and then through some kind of Oscar nominated performance pretend to be that guy till you give it up. So when they are being chivalrous or being what you call a true gentleman, they are in fact acting knowing that this is how you'd prefer them to act so that eventually you'll nicely open your legs when the appropriate time comes.

2) In relationship formation it is standard practice that it is seen as "relationship suicide" if you come out right from the start about who you truly are. No one wants someone on their first encounter to come clean about all their insecurities, inhibitions and infidelities, so they portray the A-class standard of themselves just to give the relationship a chance to develop. After a while when the person deems that enough time has passed; they will start letting their true selves out in little doses or in some extreme cases all at once. All to an extent that the person you are left with standing in front of you no longer bares any resemblance to the person you initially got to know. Everyone does it, just depends to what extent you decide to do it.

3) They have just gotten comfortable. Not that they have been consciously trying to deceive you, but enough time has passed and they don't feel to adhere to certain rules of the "social contract" anymore and feel that your relationship has developed enough to withstand certain outbursts, or certain slips of the tongue. This is not really ripping off the mask but as a relationship develops then obviously you should be able to express certain things that you wouldn't have been able to at the beginning.


4) The person is looking to "dissolve the relationship" either because he has achieved or not achieved the goals set out in reason (1) and cannot be bothered to carry on with the act anymore. Or he is just putting on another act in trying to show his worst aspects of himself because he wants to end the relationship but does not want to be the one to actually do it. Guys are very smart in knowing that females feel a sense of power and accomplishment when they feel there is no saving a relationship and so decide to end it. What ladies do not know is that the guy will almost unconsciously force you to break up with him through the way he switches up his personality. So there is a win-win situation. The girl will feel she took the initiative in ending it and will have justification when they speak to their girls: "he was a dickhead anyway, I'm better off anyway". The guy will win knowing that he can say the girl ended it, if any arguments start and will have the added benefit of not looking like a playa when he moves onto his next victim.

This is an often used tactic that a lot of guys use to make sure the relationship ends on their terms even though the female may feel it ended on hers.


Can't think of anymore but those are the main reasons that came straight to my head in terms of why you may feel someone has changed from when you first met them to now.

Now don't go around accusing all your ex guys that they used these underhanded tactics. They may be other reasons that I have failed to mention, or who knows. Maybe they changed because there was a change in you first? I note, FEMALES use these same tactics as well, it is not a phenomena used exclusively by the male species.

Hope I have answered your question and not unwittingly caused any arguments between couples because of this.

From the management of www.mikez-world.blogspot.com

Mike. O

Why I Hate Ex's

Now this a blog post 5 years in the making. On my travels and numeorus encounters with the species known as the opposite sex; I always seem to find one common denominator between most of them. And that is

THE EX

I hate them, I hate them, I hate them!!!!

Now, I'm sure your wondering where all this pent up aggression originates from. Let me tell you:

In my short 21 years of life I have had the (dis)pleasure of meeting a lot of females and becoming friends with them. With these interactions it is only human that I would like to take a few of these friendships further (if you know what I'm saying). Everything would be going fine until someone comes along to f**k it up. Yep, you guessed it people...................THE EX.

I tell you people he is an abomination. A block between two people really trying to get to know each other. He is an emotional terrorist with many weapons at his disposal.
I tell you people The Ex is one of the most cunning creatures you will ever meet. And their sole purpose is to intentionally f**k up everything you and your new partner are trying to accomplish.

When you want some alone time with your new partner, he will be there ringing of her phone like a mad man. He will be there sending 10 texts in the space of 10 minutes. Ranging from "I thought you loved me, how could you do this to me?",to - "Ok I accept you have someone new, but can't we just be friends, to "Your a f*****g p***k watch when I see you!".

You can see people that The Ex is an emotionally unbalanced individual. But there is an even more sinister variation to The Ex. That is the Crazy/Psychotic/Deranged Ex.

CRAZY + THE EX = TROUBLE

The crazy Ex in public, will act well balanced, logical and sane but when they are behind closed doors and once they start feeling a little lonely all that is thrown out the window. It really is a case od Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. The good guy disappears and the psycho comes out. I know a lot of people reading this will know at least one person that has had to deal with a crazy ex if you haven't had to deal with one yourself.

The craxy Ex persists in being a problem. They will not allow their old partner to move on with their lives in any way, shape or form. They act as if p***y is going to become extinct and the only one that is going to survive is the girl you're trying to move to. Seriously, p***y is not going anywhere, its so abundant you can find it anywhere! I mean there are plenty more fish in the sea, MOVE ON!! You had your chance just move on. Why continue to degrade yourself when its clear she will not take you back.

But there is something that really pisses me off more than crazy Ex's. It is the females that entertain their Ex's abnormal behaviour or even in some extreme cases they still like they're ex. These females I have no respect so whatsoever. They will not only lead a guy to believe they have a future together but when the times is right they will then throw him away like a used condom. I understand if you were together for 4 years and he took your virginity, and you were going to get married and all your firends and family know each other blah blah blah (all that is BS to me). You obviously broke up for a reason and if you continue to have an unhealthy obsession with your ex then you'll just end up messing up future relationships. Thinking about, I guess every guy will play second fiddle to the guy that came before him, I guess that's just how it works.

I hope this post hasn't brought up any bad memories and if your a crazy ex then I plead with you................ please change your ways!!!
And if your still into ur ex and you don't want to move on with your life then I have no respect for you and you can carry on with your pitiful existence. F*****G WASTE PEOPLE!!

Until next time people.........................................I'M OUT.