This post is long overdue.
I was supposed to write three posts detailing my thoughts and feelings after the failure of my experiment. I put it off for a long time because the first "denial" post was just nonsense. It was incoherent and pointless. But I just could not articulate how I felt. And I still can't.
As a writer (can I really call myself that?) it infuriates me when I can't take my feelings and thoughts and transfer them to a physical/digital medium exactly how I want them to. So for that reason I decided not to bother writing the "Acceptance?" and "Relapse" posts I had planned.
It has been difficult. Letting someone go is not always as easy as I make it seem. I had to admit to myself I needed to actually get over "my experiment". It wasn't love, far from it. But it was the role she fulfilled that I miss the most. A vessel which I could use when my own body could not take any more of my own fears, opinions. feelings, frustrations, creativity, anger etc. I am not lying when I say that most of the time this is all over flowing within me. Eventually it all became too much for her. Understandable
I go through all the stages every week. But like they say time is a healer but damn is it slow. And because none of my friends have been available for me to have a proper talk about this, my blog is the only way I can really work through my feelings. Guess I need better friends. But I'm sure it's just me.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Sorry if this didn't make sense. My creativity is abstract.
Wishing successful experiments to all my readers.
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