Can Someone Answer This Question For Me?

I've been trying to answer this question for a while now. Still no luck.




I think the song is amazing. So simple but yet it manages to capture a feeling many people would struggle to put into words let alone making it into a song. Absolutely love the video.

Things I Miss...

There's something about Sunday nights that always put me in a reflective mood. Tonight I thought about all the things I had gained which logically led me to think about all the things I have lost. So here's a list of everything I miss:


I miss my JanJan. There hasn't been a single second since you walked away that I haven't felt like this. I guess I'm the fool.

I miss my nephew. I even miss the nephew I haven't met yet.

I miss my American family. Hope you guys are doing good without me.

I miss my childhood.

I miss my childhood friends.

I miss the relationship I had with Sandra.

I miss the relationship I had with Nadia.

I miss the relationship I had with Neese.

I miss Glory.

I miss Ann Marie. GET A CLUE! IN FACT MAKE IT A BLUE ONE!

I miss my life in Brighton.

I miss good music.

I miss my dad.

I miss the days when I had no responsibilities.

I miss the days when things were simple.

I miss running.

I miss sleep.

I miss my childhood TV shows. They were so much better than the garbage on nowadays.

I miss being 16.

I miss being 21 even more.

I miss sleeping in a double bed.

I miss a female body being beside me in a double bed.

I miss Chappelle's Show. Nothing short of genius.

I miss coaching my kids.

I miss having free time.

I miss my ipod.

I miss the old me. Don't get me wrong this new guys is great but he can't hold a candle to the old me.

I'm Tired Of Being Ostracised For Not Having A BlackBerry

I remember a time when people used to frolic in the sunshine. Friends used to arrange to meet up and engage in the real world. Couples would break up face to face. This stuff still happens but with the advent of smart phones and social networking all these wonderful things are at an all time low. I've lived through a number of fads in my short life. Go Go's, Yo-Yo's, Pokemon Cards, Tamagotchi's etc. But there is a new; enduring fad that has gripped the "urban" population and it has a stranglehold that does not seem like loosening anytime soon. I am talking about the dreaded CrackBerry better known as the BlackBerry.

I don't hate the phone per se, its just the effect it has on people that really pisses me off. This has made me even more reluctant to join the craze. I was first introduced to the behavioural changing powers of the BlackBerry back in a chance encounter back in February of '09. Since I'm not a romantic I decided to have a valentine's day meal with my two good friends Ann Marie and Gloria. I hadn't see either of them in a while and was quite excited to spend some time with the both of them. However, Ann Marie's hands seemed to be super glued to this little black device that was making all manner of noises. She barely looked up the whole night, even to eat. It put a dampener on the whole evening. That was the beginning of my dislike for the BlackBerry. I have come to realise that this little device was in fact a dangerous disease in disguise, which has now spread to pandemic proportions. Where people once talked, they now BBM/ping each other. Where people once asked for each other's numbers, they now ask for their BB pins. These are just smaller symptoms of the actual real problem - which is the erosion of real interactions. Something Ms Christiana was talking of since last year. I thought it was all an exaggeration but now I see the light. How can I tell someone we need to catch up and they reply by asking if I have Skype? What happened to meeting at a bar or restaurant to meet up, you know in the real world. Why must we frequently interact on the digital plane?

Why is it that two people can be standing right next to each other but they won't open their god given mouths - no -talking is too 08. We're in 2010 now and BBM is the future of human communication. This might be good for espionage but not for freaking daily interactions. I cannot tell you how many people have inadvertently nearly walked in to me because they are walking with their heads down typing on their BB's. WTF is so important that you can't even watch where you are going? Neither can I tell you the amount of near fatal car crashes I have been in because one of my friends wants to ping and drive at the same time. Surely if talking on the phone is illegal then typing on should be too. Dave I hope you're reading. Get it sorted mate.

The look of shock horror I receive when a female asks for my pin and I have to respond by saying I don't have one. Its even worse when people assume you have one and when you don't, you're treated as some sort of social leper.

On a technical level the BlackBerry seems to be a sub par phone anyway. Its only major selling point seems to be the BlackBerry Messenger. The 3g connection and web browser are head bashingly slow even on the more powerful Bold. They seem to be prone to various hardware faults as well as the software malfunctions. How many times have you heard someone saying the track pad/ball has stopped working or all their contacts have mysteriously been erased when trying to update? I'm just sick of all of it. People are too connected now a days, how I miss the days when you were forced to deal with awkward moments instead of having an escape chute in the form of a BB. Everywhere I look people are assuming the position: hands clasped tightly round a black rectangular device, head lowered and eyes transfixed on the screen. On road, in a rave, at work, everywhere people are pinging which I'm sure most of which is mindless chatter anyway. The endless alerts and vibrations really jar me. Come on is it really worth having something that is as technically reliable as an old British Leyland automobile? Which when it starts faltering (and it definitely will) will leave you having withdrawal symptoms the same as a hardcore crack fiend?

What's even worse is when you try to engage in a conversation with someone that is completely engrossed in their BlackBerry. They don't even look up to reply to you. Like WTF happened to eye contact? The whole BB community also seems to be a playground for highly sexualised 20 somethings to engage in sordid interactions. It is like a mini and digital form of Ayia Napa.

I remember when BlackBerrys were the sole possesion of upwardly mobile business professionals. Lets return to those days. I'm more of an iphone man anyway.

Freedom from the disease that is the CrackBerry for all!

Faithful.

I'm an observer. And one thing from my observations that I just cannot seem to grasp is the nonchalant attitude some of my male peers have when it comes to being faithful. I am not a preacher so I'm not in the business of telling people that morally; what they are doing is wrong. Like I said I'm an observer which means I make sure the person fully understands the consequences of their actions and then when it all blows up in their face I sit and watch them formulate every excuse under the sun as to why they should not be held accountable for their actions. So this will not be a post arguing that being unfaithful is wrong, that is a relative question which serves little purpose. Rather this will be a post trying to explain the behaviour of my peers from my own unique perspective and the hypocritical excuses I have heard over the years.

I have never cheated on any female I have been involved with. A statement that I'm sure will be met with scepticism but I'm being serious. When you take into account that I have ever only been in one serious (semi) serious relationship it suddenly doesn't become that hard to believe. Although it was a disastrous relationship that many people would not have blamed me if I did cheat but I still didn't. I'm such a man of principle that I stayed unhappy than do the normal (scumbag) course of action and cheat on my girlfriend when she is pissing me off or slacking on her girlfriend duties. If I ever did feel the uncontrollable urge to cheat on a partner I'd like to think I'd be man enough to call them up and break things off. Its still deep but its better than the alternative and at least I'd have a clear conscience.

From the male perspective of my generation of my generation there are many reasons to start on a course of infidelity. Over the years I have been able to watch many relationships form and dissolve and I still can't get to grips with certain behaviours. As with any relationship; there are good times and then there are bad times. But you also have latent times when a relationship is not good nor bad, it's just normal when the two participants are so comfortable with each other it seems like they are standing still. I guess cheating when stuff is bad is understandable but it is still a cop out in my eyes. It's the infidelity at the good or latent periods I just cannot get my head around.

The most prevalent behavioural pattern I have identified is that males feel some sort of entitlement to have as many females as they so choose. There seems to be no sense of guilt or remorse when a guy has a girlfriend he repeatedly cheats on because as far as their justification goes - "it's just what guys do." They love their main partner but they still want other females, it should be an understandable desire. I know this is not very clear but no one who I have tried to get an explanation out of could give me a straight answer - it is supposedly a kind of instinctual urge.

Another pattern is more commonly used amongst males that have been in a relationship for more than a year or so. They have been fine and never tempted. But there seems to come a point when these guys need to find out "if they still have it." So they tell themselves engaging in a new relationship while already in one is just to get the dust off their skills of attraction. But surely this shouldn't matter if you already have the one you love right? Which means they worked very well and you don't need anymore test subjects.

Within this pattern is the need for new female attention which very few guys will own up to needing. Everyone likes a bit of attention form the opposite sex once in a while but for a specific few this is a need akin to a crack head needing his next fix. Dramatic? I think not. It is an insatiable need for female attention that can never be fully quenched by a solitary female. I'm sure this sort of behaviour can be traced back to infantile mummy issues but I could not care less.

There are many more of these behavioural patterns I could describe but I don't want to be here all night. So the final one I will detail is the one I've witnessed on the "boys group holiday". You know the ones I'm talking about: The one where a guy and a few of his friends goes to a morally questionable sexual holiday destination. You know the places: Miami, Amsterdam, Napa, Brazil etc. The justification for this is that there will no doubt be single males on this trip who will be enjoying life to the full and he wouldn't want to miss out on the fun just because you have a silly little thing called a girlfriend. Further justification is the use of the following mantra@

"Whatever happens in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination) stays in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination)."

Besides there is always a little bit of competition on such holidays and committed males will eventually be dragged into showing how well they can compete. To all my female readers that have partners who have been on or are going on such holidays and feel that their better half has no intention of being unfaithful I have to say you are sadly deluded. Okay so I don't want to be the cause of numerous break ups so I will accept that there maybe 5% of males who do not have this inclination and hopefully your partner falls within this percentile.

But these are all excuses to me. And the hypocrisy rears its ugly head when these males were asked how they would react if they found out their girl was cheating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to assume that the replies ranged from moral outrage to physical violence. But as I say the majority of this generation is mentally ill and hopefully through little wake up calls like this, as a whole we can start getting better.

Cheating for me is the infantile behaviour reserved for men who are morally and principally too weak to engage in adult relationships. But I ain't about to purely bash on my own species. Females are guilty of all the same things I have mentioned. A few months ago I met a smart female who admitted that she was once like me. She proceeded to give me one of those laughs you give to people after they've made a naive/idealist statement. It startled me because I wondered if I could one day cave in on my principles and justify cheating as a careless action as she did. That's what intelligent people do when they cave in on a principle that they thought was steadfast. They justify it by fully embracing and undermining the severity of the action. Just take it from me and don't continue to to call them a 'scumbag' because even though they accept what they did was wrong, they don't like to be chastised for it.

Fortunately one of my greatest strengths is that I am a man of principle. I'm a little old fashioned like that. There are just certain things I will not bend on and faithfulness is one of them. I think it goes back to my younger days when I used to watch Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer to fill the gap between watching the CBBC/CITV late afternoon lineup. Seeing the emotional devastation that ensued after the confession of sexual infidelity always shocked me. Even though at a young age I never fully understood what sex was I knew it wasn't anything to be taken lightly when a partner and/or family was involved. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be the reason to cause such hurt to a fellow human being because of such an action. Most of all, I'd detest being called a scum bag as well.

Reading back on this post I know I said I wouldn't try to give a moral opinion on unfaithfulness but it's clear I failed. I'm sorry I just cannot respect people who cheat. It's just the way I've been conditioned. And to anyone who may have taken insult by indirectly being called a scum bag because they have cheated, please do not take my words too seriously. I also think anybody that supports Liverpool FC is a scumbag. It's just a word, whatever connotations you add to it is purely your own doing. I know its hard being committed to a single person in such an environment and I know the smart ones will use African culture that saw nothing wrong with polygamy and western social conditioning as arguments, which I fully understand and agree with but this may be used by stupid people to further justify their actions without really understanding what these arguments mean. It's because of people like this that I truly believe the mantle of 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' means nothing.

Lets just be faithful to one another. A relationship should be a serious thing. Why do people act like its not?

Happy mental health to all.

Tunes Of The Month

I LUV music....

Admitting You're Not The Finshed Article

Almost a whole month without a post is truly disgusting and I sincerely apologise. But between working full time, going gym, coaching and playing American football I have no time left. I barely sleep anymore. But they say good things come to those to wait.

This blog topic has been on my mind for a while now. Thinking back to my younger days sometimes I kind of get blown away by how much my whole way of thinking has changed. As a teenager you could not tell me anything. That is no understatement. I was opinionated, hard headed, arrogant and always thought I was right. Some of you comedians will think "well whats changed?" and you guys can go hang yourselves. Moving on. . . needless to say I thought I was perfect. A delusion I have since cured myself of but I have seen it permeate into wider society as of late. I think its a necessary stage of development that a lot of young people have a sense of entitlement, grandeur and infallibility. But in my opinion, if this is still the same issue when someone is 21+ then there is a real problem. It should be obvious that being a young adult there is still a lot of growing to do. Unless certain people are seriously trying to tell me they got it right first time round? I've observed that some people absolutely refuse to look at themselves in a critical light. I'm sure these people would stop short of calling themselves perfect but if you'r explicitly saying there is nothing wrong with you, then implicitly you're saying what?

I know I've got a long way to go in life and this current version of me will probably unrecognisable to the me in 20 or so years. Life is all about developing and progressing. How you see certain things now doesn't mean that's how it should be forever. It is a lot like the theory of falsifiability. People just have to admit that they could be wrong and use it as a stepping stone to develop themselves.

I know a few people will think "well you can never be the finished article!" which maybe true, but I'd rather get as close to it as I possibly can than being a stagnant human being. And to me there is no way you can be the finished article in your early twenties.

Whenever I read or hear about relationship drama and the opposite sex is always asking where a good man is I'm quick to say "I'M HERE!" I'm sure I am not the only one, we all think we're great people. But sometimes we're not as great as we may think. I'm not saying I'm a bad guy, just that I admit that to be a truly good man I have someway to go. So I admit right now I'm not the finshed article, but one day soon enough I will be.

So to my readers: Can you admit to yourself that you're not the finished article?