TUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNE

This is my Soulful House Tune of Summer 09.

Big tune. Thanks to Yasmin for finding out the name of the track. Big up to all those that know Deep Soulful House is the one.

When it comes to dealing with friends

When I first envisioned writing a blog; it wasn't only for me to fulfil some narcissistic need for a wider range of people to read and agree with my somewhat controversial views. There was actually another reason. I wanted those among you who I call my friends to have an insight into my somewhat twisted mind and hopefully for you to understand me a little bit better. For you to take a walk through my world.


Friends? when it comes to them I'm just not sure - making them, finding them, losing them, letting go of them etc. are things I have done throughout my lifetime but I still find the whole routine kind of..................troublesome. (I'm adopting the Shikamaru way of life).

It's safe to say I have always had a lot of friends, as is true to say I have always "lost" a lot of "friends". From a young age I have always been a loner and this has never changed. Although I may be seen with a group of people from time to time and engage in activities with them, I have always been and forever will be a loner. There is nothing wrong with this and trust me it doesn't sadden me in the slightest- I have always had the necessary social skills to make friends but I have always been comfortable with just being on my own. It is for this very reason that although I may have numerous circles of friends but when it boils down to it I will always return to me, myself and I.

I guess it would be for this reason that I have kinda come to be known as someone "who does not care for his friends". Which I feel is a bit misconstrued. I have no problem making friends, its maintaining friendships that I have yet to properly master.

I am a man of zero tolerance and stupidness is the one thing I have no time for in my life. All my friends that have gotten to know me on a deeper level know that if the day should ever arise when we need to part ways then I will not hesitate to dissolve a friendship. I have gotten to the age where I feel I can only surround myself with like minded people and people who will only help me on my way to becoming successful. It is for this reason that I decided to trim my "acquaintance bush" and effectively cut 1/3 of the people I knew out of my life. This was not done in any spiteful way but it was done out of necessity. In every person's life there will be people you know that fulfil no particular purpose - I ask you what are these people adding to your life?

I went on a kind of "friend detox" (This is in reference to a video that was circulated on Facebook by a very smart young woman) a few months ago and had the aim of reducing my Facebook friends from 400+ down to 150. Now I did know most of the people on my facebook but still, I did not have daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly contact with most of the people on my friends list, so what role were they filling? Simply that of being excess and cluttering my home page with useless status updates. I eventually got my number of friends down to about 170 which was the number I was left with when I felt that the people left deserved to be part of those lucky few that had earned the title of my friend.

Now I did this well before the video about it was released and I ask all my readers to evaluate the people in your life and what role they are occupying and if they deserve it. NOW, people deleting people of their friends list has now turned into a bit of hype with people thinking they are more important and "beautiful" than they actually are which has led to me being deleted from a few people's friends lists. I cannot fault them for this however, because if they had come to the realisation that I did not occupy any significant role in their life or I had been slacking when it came to my friendship services than they had no alternative but to cut me out of their life.

Although there is one person who deleted me that I was kinda shocked about and if I can muster up enough "give a damn molecules" in my body then I will be contacting them soon to try and find out what the actual problem is.

As a friend I will do my best to make sure you are always centred and stay on track. I will question all your beliefs and push you to question everything. I will be there for you when it is needed and will always be on hand to assist you in whatever way I can. This is a basic service I extend to all my close friends and I expect them to return this service. So when it comes to ultimately locking off friends; it is not a problem for me because if they are not fulfilling these basic services then I simply do not care for them. I'd like to think it keeps all my friends on their toes knowing that any random act of stupidness can result in a swift locking off.

It is not that I don't care for my friends enough because that is simply not true. It is just that I can care for no one as much as I do for myself and my own well being. So when it comes to making tough decisions it makes it that much easier knowing that stupid people only bring you down in life and it is your personal responsibility to cut these people out - and nowhere is this life tool more important when it comes to identifying the people in your network of friends that are the stupid ones.

So even though I make more friends everyday I intend to keep all of you on your toes and believe me when I say I wouldn't think once let alone twice about locking any of you off in an instant. But until you do something stupid enough for me to do something that drastic I care for you all. Because when it comes down to it even if I get rid of all my friend circles, there is one circle that will permanently remain- Me, Myself and I.

Sexual Injustice

I can't exactly remember why I wanted to do a post about this particular issue, but what I can remember is that I felt very passionately about it. I feel that when it comes to all things S.E.X things are unfairly weighted too much in the females favour. This post is supposed to get your neurons firing...................................anyway let me start like this:


Man Dem - You know how it is when you've been talking to a female for a while and things are going smoothly. She's pretty, intellectual, got a banging body etc basically she ticks all the boxes. You've spent plenty of contract minutes talking late into the early hours of the morning about life, goals likes and dislikes and obviously sex. Now because we're a generation of horny fools the more you speak to her the more the more it seems that the topic of conversation turns to the bedroom. Now because you wanna put across the best version of you as possible, no doubt you start telling her "how great your sex game is", or "you won't be able to handle me" blah blah blah.

So the night finally comes when she gets too see what you're really made of. I mean you've done one, two things but she hasn't allowed you to go all the way because she's one of those girls. So as things begin to warm up, you start to kiss, you begin to undress her while making your way to the bedroom. The pressure begins to mount in more ways than one. You suddenly remember that this will be your first "session" together and you've been there talking shit for weeks. You suddenly realise that you will need to bring your A game to make a good impression just so you have another opportunity for future "sessions". All manner of things start going through your mind but now you know its time to perform.

I'll leave it up to you to determine how this situation might end, but hopefully I have painted a picture to illustrate my argument.

My main aim is to highlight the huge discrepency between the number of things women and men can be judged on when it comes to sex. Many conversations with both sexes has led me to conclude that women simply have it a lot easier than men when it comes to performing at sex - and it is safe to say a good number of females don't perform at all.

Lets put this all into perspective

What guys are expected to have:

• The body of an Adonis/Sex God
• Experience - but not so much as to raise any eyebrows
  
• Stamina of machine
  
• Be "well endowed"
• Now how to use this endowment, very well
• Need to know exactly what to say at exactly the right time
• Need to know how to handle a female's body
• Should automatically know a female's body but also....
  
• Need to know how to take instruction (only WOMEN are real enough to give instruction if needed)
• Need to be assertive and take charge
• Ready to go whenever, wherever
• Have the moves of a porn star
• Need to be gentle and rough at the same time
• Have patience
• And many more things I can't think of at the moment
  

(This is just a generalisation and not all of these things need to be present for sex to be granted - but I'm sure you're starting to get the picture)

What girls are expected to have:

• A vagina
• Open their legs once a while to allow access to this vagina

I'm sorry ladies but you have it too easy. I wonder if females suffer from the same performance anxiety that guys do? I mean I understand when females do open their legs it is a privilege and not a right, and all guys should be grateful when allowed to "invade" a female. But what really gets me is that just because females allow men to into them that this gives them some statutory right to be judge, jury and executioner on a guy's self esteem.

Females are known for being notoriously hard to please and shows like Sex and the City and Girlfriends have only exacerbated this problem. You see when females say how they wish guys could experience what it is like to go a through a period, well I wish there was a way for females to experience sex from a guy's point of view. It is not easy to please you women..........

It is no secret that females like to talk, with a partner's sexual performance being a popular topic for discussion. After an occasion where the guy has "failed to perform" a female will group together her female friends and have a sexual performance tribunal and proceed to expose every sordid detail there is about her partner and the inadequacy of his game. I guarantee that at least 35% of guys have a boy who know of the details of a tribunal when they were the guy in question and do not have the heart to tell him because the criticism was so fierce and sweeping it would lead to the utter destruction of their confidence.

Now why do I think this is unfair.

It is only through the media and social conditioning that we place so much importance on having the most fantastic sex life. I am not saying it is not important just that the level of importance we place upon it is too great. Especially being a Black male there a certain stereotypes that are attributed to me and my fellow brothers and are expected to live up to to fulfil female fantasies. This is partly due to post colonial perceptions of Black slave sexuality that these stereotypes exist and have become prevalent in our highly sexualised culture, but you guys can research that yourselves.

But even more hypocritically are the females that themselves fail to perform sexually but still are highly critical of their partner for not performing. On the many discussions I have had with my boys on this matter I cannot tell you how many of them have said "Blud, she was so dead. All she did was lay there. I was basically having sex with myself and she was just along for the ride".


Why should females that just lay there and do nothing be allowed to get away with such an injustice?

I too have had partners that have not contributed at all when it comes to having sex- leaving me to do all the work. I recount a former partner who I was involved me telling me about her previous partner. The criticism was harsh to say the least: "He was crap", "He buss too quick", "His stroke was whack". But I wondered how much of this was down to the guy just not bothered to try anymore because this female was one of the laziest people I ever had the displeasure of being involved with. She literally just laid there, doing nothing. She could not continue at my pace when the sex exceeded 20 minutes, she never got on top or did anything to make the experience more enjoyable. But yet she was so scathing of her ex. Maybe she was just venting and wanted to spite him for some other transgression so decided to hit him where it hurts. Who knows?

I'm not trying to make excuses, but every guys knows that not performing the first time you finally get to "engage" with a girl will almost more than likely lead to access being denied in the future. I mean we cannot perform all the time to these unreasonable levels. If we're being honest guys I'm sure we can all admit to times when our mind was willing but our bodies had their own agendas. We all have that time when you "arrive a little too early" or "you can't keep it up". I mean even I will admit to these things happening to me sometimes, as many times as I would like to be Superman there are times when my body would rather me being Clark Kent and I have no say about the matter. I'm sure most guys have that female that when it came time to get down and dirty with they couldn't perform no matter how much they tried. I can only theorize that certain people are sexually incompatible with others and their bodies had decided that they were not going to "connect" no matter how much either party wanted them to.

Like Katt Williams put it- "Your dick is ready to betray you at a moments notice".

So for that reason and because we are trying to create a world of equality I am now thinking of ways in which man dem can rate/judge their sexual partners just as harsh as the females do of us. I'll let you know how it goes- I'm looking to destroy some female self esteem out ere. LOL.





N.B. This post was not written out of anger because I somehow found out a female had made fun of my game. This post was simply to highlight this sexual injustice after many conversations with males and females alike. Its just time to make things fairer.

Dubai 09

If you know me then you know I love going on holiday. 3 holidays a year is a must.
Because I was in the final year of my degree and I didn't go on holiday for a year and a half which really hurt my soul. So now that I'm a post graduate I took it upon myself to book a couple of holidays. After the disastrous summer 08 that I spent in London I knew there was no way I was gonna go through the same shit again.

Why stay in Endz when there is a whole world to see? And I don't follow the crowd and just go to Malia and Napa. So the first Holiday I booked was to Dubai. Me and my family had been there before like 5 years ago and we enjoyed it so much that we decided it was about time we went back.

Because it was my friend Julie's 21st the night before I had to leave I had to go straight to the airport straight after the festivities. I don't know what happened but I ended up with the sickest migraine - and no I did not drink - so I was just throwing up all the way to Gatwick. I hadn't felt that kind of pain in my head since I had a concussion. Anyway it lasted for 2 days but by this time I had already reached Dubai..............



Beautiful I know. If you do plan to go to Dubai in the summer months then I must warn you................it is a desert city, the heat out there is not be taken lightly. I am not lying that when I was out there the mercury went over 50 degrees.

You will be baking out there. In fact you will be cooking. Its a straight shorts and vest ting!
Anyway while out there me and the fam went sight seeing. Went to the Atlantis.....




Obviously we went to Jumeirah beach which was relaxing. But be warned it is open ocean, it is very easy to get carried off by the waves. Swimming in the sea is also comparable to swimming in boiling salt water. Yes it is that hot, and it is that salty. Me and my brothers almost died trying to battle the waves trying to reach one raft like 100 metres off the coast. When we did eventually reach it we were so exhausted we spent 45 mins just trying to get our breath back.



You don't really go to Dubai shop unless you want jewellery so no tales of shopping. Although we did go to Emirates Mall which is one of the biggest in the world. You know a Mall is big when there have their own little theme park and Ski Resort in there. NO joke. I got to go snowboarding which was extremely fun to do. How many of you can say you've been snowboarding in the desert? LOOOOL Didn't think so.

It was also a good bonding session for me and my brothers since I had been away for 3 years.

Most of the time I was just relaxing in the sunshine or in the pool. For some stupid reason My skin refuses to tan even if I am in extreme sunshine. Dubai is definitely a must go to destination for couples. But a couple who I met at Doha airport did say Qatar was better so that might be my next holiday destination.

And just a quick video of the antics we got up to.









Next holiday - I'm off to America for 2 months. Don't hate too much please, I deserve it.

I LUV MUSIQ

This song has been on repeat in my room for the last 48 hours - no lie.


Musiq just knows how to make good errrr music (no pun inended)

So this is for all the beautiful people out there.

Is there any excuse?

Hey people I'm in bed at the moment just chilling doing nothing and thought I'd commit some time to my blog.

I know you must hate it when you check my blog and see it hasn't been updated - I know I'm so inconsistent. But I also know your collective hearts flutter when you see I have written something new, like now.

Anyway, I will try to blog more since I have more time on my hands after becoming a graduate (whoop whoop) but if you've been on my FB you'll know I have holidays coming up (more on that later).


Now to get down to the matter at hand.
I'm a man of observation and logic - they are the principles I live by. I observe the physical and apply logic to everything else, mainly the theoretical. One of my recent observations have been....................................TEETH.



Is there any excuse for this in 2009? I mean I am still in disbelief that there are people walking around with such teeth in this day and age. Its even worse when I see people of my generation and younger with "piano key teeth", "Black gums" and chipped teeth.

I mean come on WTF!!!! FIX UP!!! How can I be walking and I see a girl walking towards me. My heart starts to beat quicker because she looks good from a distance, but I know I need to see her closer to confirm this. As we get closer, our eyes meet. I think SHEEEET she's pretty. I begin to close in but then she smiles at me.....................and I'm taken back by what I see.


Not only are your teeth brown, they are not straight. Each one seems to have its own agenda and is shooting off any direction it so chooses. INSTANT TURN OFF. I'm sure many females have had the same experience when it comes to guys.

I honestly feel there is no excuse because as a youngster I was always taught about maintaining my teeth. A smile is door opener. Now if you grew up relying on your local council like I did then you know that dental check ups are FREE and most dental procedures were FREE as well. Which means if you had those gap teeth or MR Ed smile at a young age it was no problem to get fitted with a pair of braces. Now I know no one liked to be seen with braces, but your parents knew it was a necessary sacrifice to gift you with a beautiful set of teeth for your older years. That's why it was better to get them done at a younger age to limit the damage these things did to your social life.

As children my mum always made sure we had out 6 monthly dental check up. I was never afraid of the dentist, in fact I LIKED IT. I liked the whole experience, I thought the dentist chair was the best invention ever. I think I liked it more because luckily I was blessed with beautiful teeth and therefore going to the dentist was a mere formality and allowed me to receive praise from my dentist who always said my teeth were outstanding.

My little brother had braces for a while, and not because his teeth were messed up. He simply had a little condition where his bottom jaw was in front of his top one. It was only noticeable when he smiled and even then it wasn't that bad. But even so, my mum still had him get braces to push his top jaw out. And this was to simply ensure my brother never had any further complication with his teeth.

So when I use reason and logic to wonder why such atrocities such as having bad teeth are still prevalent today I come up with these answers:

1)Your parents simply didn't care about you enough to know how important your teeth are in everyday life.

2)If you didn't rely on the council for certain things then your parents were obviously well off enough to afford any dental procedures but decided against it for some unimaginable reason.

There may be more but they would no doubt delve into the realm of excuses.

I know as British people, the rest of the developed world ignorantly sees us as people that do not care for our teeth. You only need to watch certain episodes of Family Guy to see their depictions of British teeth. But in this day and age I firmly believe there IS SIMPLY NO EXCUSE!

There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful smile.

So what have we learned today?


If you smile at yourself in the mirror and a crack starts to appear then you need to do something about your teeth NOW!

Go to the dentist - he is your friend! He only wants the best for you and your teeth.

You know if you have bad teeth or not- JUST GO GET THEM FIXED, PLEASE.

I cannot believe we are in 2009 and I have to be writing a blog post about this! You have been warned.

Mrs International.

Really feeling this tune and the eye candy on display is just amazing....

This is why relationships are bullshit.

Just a little something to compliment the previous post.

This is kinda what happened between me and Tonya except without all the gore and blood but I'm sure you'll get the picture.

I Would Have Been In Love By Now If It Wasn't for T.O.N.Y.A

First off a couple of months ago I was really feeling this song by Solange called T.O.N.Y.





Anyway the song is about not letting go of someone and how it impacts on you, in Solange's case the guys name is Tony which is actually an acronym for The Other Night whY?


So while listening to the song I started thinking back to my own T.O.N.Y.A.
(Closest female name I could think of to TONY cos saying TONY would just be gay and just to set the record straight I do not have any friends that are named Tonya either).

If you know me then you of my controversial views about relationships and how I do not feel I will ever get married and I honestly do not mind if I spend the rest of my life alone. I am known for being notoriously picky and extremely hard to please and not showing an ounce of compassion when it comes to the opposite sex. As you may have guessed it was all because I met Tonya. I was young, naive and just became obsessed with this female who I just had to make mine even though I knew I couldn't have her. Needless to say I still embarked on a forbidden relationship with Tonya and it doesn't take a genius to guess that it ended with my heart being torn to shreds.......................allow me I was 16.

So I guess for a long time I just never recovered form my initial heartbreak which led to the aforementioned behaviour. In all honestly I was just protecting myself from being hurt again, I'm human, it was a natural reaction.

It took me a long time to get over Tonya, and after many failed interactions with females and one extremely disastrous relationship I saw no reason to change the way I thought about relationships. I saw them as a waste of time and I just felt that when I observed relationships form the outside in it just seemed most of them were boring run of the mill, routine, predictable exclusive associations where the two parties involved had just conformed to a tired stereotype that they couldn't even pretend to act out properly. I still question if there is any such actual thing as love. So even if I was getting to know a female I would always shelter my emotions and restrict how much they actually got to know me. This led to the females in question getting irritated that I never let them in and they subsequently faded out of my existence. I can't blame them, I'm a hard person to get along with.


But there is a hope for me yet people. After various conversations with various people I came to realise that I was using the experience with Tonya as a shield to hide behind. One friend put it bluntly that I was just being a"coward". I was too afraid to put myself out there again. I mean the whole point of pursuing a relationship is that you accept the gamble you might get hurt.

I finally feel ready to take the gamble and actually start letting people in. I don't know what became of Tonya or neither do I care. I probably would have been in love by now if it wasn't for Tonya. But I've been over you for a few years now but your ghost still haunted me. But I have now exorcised the demon you left within me.

Don't get me wrong; I still have a lot of problems about relationships- I'm just finally ready to do something about it.

Ode To Brighton

I know a proper Blog post has been long over due......................I'm a waste man I know.

But because I have just recently graduated I feel the best way for me to truly reflect on my time in Uni is through a blog post.

Anyway, while I was still preparing for exams me and a couple of the mandem were walking to the library which was the norm at that time. A friend asked me because I was finishing soon what I would leave Uni with.........................."What just a degree?" he chuckled. Now this got me thinking and after a few seconds I replied that "A degree will probably be the least important thing I leave with." And this is the reason why:


When I first arrived at the University of Brighton at the tender age of 18 I was arrogant, full of myself, I always thought I was right and stubborn and everything else you would think a young man as my self would have acted like.


(I know some of you will be making the dead joke "but your still like that though")

I think the most important thing I will take form my Uni experience was the time it allowed me to grow. I had a lot of issues and insecurities back then which I was not ready to deal with because I was a child. Not physically but emotionally. But through the tough challenges and the forced times of solitude I faced during this time I finally became a man. I came to learn that I had to start compromising and not just believe that no matter the situation I was always right. I learnt to care about people and not just give up on various types of bonds like they meant nothing. I learnt not to hold grudges and just move on with life. I learnt a lot, I learnt the necessary life and social skills needed to go far in this life.

There were also the amazing people and Friends I met while in Brighton. I honestly have made some true life long friends. Have to show love to Da Mandem who have given me too many joke memories.

I met alot of interesting females- some of dem just straight up crazy - but it was all jokes I suppose. I formed strong attachments with a few females in particular that I never ever thought I would be able to form.

And just all the random people I met that introduced me to the wide array of people there are in this world.

Coming to Brighton allowed me to step out of my comfort zone and find the true me. I feel that being in Endz forces someone to act a particular way which in most cases is detrimental to the person. It was only by coming to Brighton and just being free and being allowed to experiment and find the true me that I can sit here and truly say that I am an adult.

It would be long to detail all of my experiences I had over the last 3 years, just cos there are so many, but I feel so grateful for them cos they have truly made me a better person.

And as I stand at the door of my future, ready to venture out into the real world I feel safe knowing that all the experiences, trials, tribulations and friends have helped and taught me that I can deal with anything that may come my way.

Brighton was truly my home for the last 3 years and I will never forget the time I had or the people I met. I will miss the freedom, my friends all being in one place, the late nights, the laughs, the bad times, the broke times, the group excurisons, the sunsets, the walk up the moutain, the crazy times, the widdecombe houseparties and the arguments. I'll miss it all.........................................


This is my Ode to Birghton xxx

............... Is The Best

So here is Drake's video for The Best I Ever Had.

TBH I think the video has nothing to do with the song but it was directed by my boi Kanyeezy so you can't be too disappointed. Although the video does make use of a lot of sexual innuendos and multiple close up shots of bouncing boobies.








I'm really looking forward to Drake's Album and hopefully he can build upon the hype and success of So Far Gone.

But this is the Drake tune I'm really feeling at the moment: