So, after 3 long months away I have finally returned back to London. I can honestly say that this summer was one of the best I have ever experienced. But apart from all the women, parties, bars and numerous other fun activities I indulged in the one thing that will typify this summer is the huge jump in my personal self development.
Returning back to London after spending 3 years in Brighton had a weird affect on me which I will blog about at a later date but being away from the whole country for 3 months had an unexpected result. As some of you may tell from the few sporadic posts I did while I was away, that it gave me a lot of time to really critique myself as a person. After that I started to question some of the relationships I had back home and slowly realised that they weren't what they thought they were. This lead to me coming to a bleak realisation that these people have been in fact holding me back rather than trying to push towards my goals. So now that I am back I have begun to tell certain friends that the dynamics of our friendship have changed and I can no longer be held back by them and it is time to move on. No malice, no negativity, no insult untended - just realness.
My sabbatical allowed me to review myself. It rejuvenated and recharged my batteries and equipped me with a new set of skills that will help me in my new life.
So its good to be back but I want people to know that I have come back a changed man. Certain people haven't taken me very seriously just yet, but I am sure that will change soon.
More posts to follow soonish because I am jet lagged and need at least a week to recover.
So just to update you I am currently in Orlando as another stop on my seemingly never ending holiday, although it will be coming to an end real soon. My very generous uncle decided to fly me out here so I could spend some time with him and his family as a graduation present. I finally got to meet my baby cousin who turned one on the weekend and accompanied her to her 1st birthday party. She is actually adorable and will post some pics of her when I transfer the pics to my laptop. The weather is fantastic I must add, I am not used to 30+ degree weather in October. I am still just relaxing and living the life.
But after such a relaxing afternoon I was left alone with my thoughts again and came to a few more realizations.
I am exactly where I expected to be right now. In my obscure life plan I always wanted to graduate when I was 21 and that's really as far as it went. I mean I am not employed or anything but I have never known what I have wanted to do with my life. But after talking to numerous people I have decided that I cannot have a job, I want a career. And in order for that to happen I need to incorporate one or a mixture of my passions in a way where it allows me to earn money. I refuse to get comfortable in a job that I got just because I needed a monthly wage in an area I don't love. I fear that if this does happen then I'll wake up one day when I'm a 30 something male with a wife and two kids wondering where the hell my life went, still in the same unnamed job with no prospects and earning a slightly higher monthly wage. I assume this how most people would have felt sometime during their lives. But the majority still fall into the same trap of getting a job that is only supposed to be momentary, you know pay the bills until you can make your dreams come true sort of thing, but still end up getting comfortable and somehow their dreams get pushed to the backseat when they should be riding shotgun. So I REFUSE to allow this to happen to me. Not the whole getting a job to support myself in the meantime (because Royal Mail here I come) but never forgetting that it is not something I want to be doing for the rest of my life.
So for that reason I have decided something. I am not going to say because (I hope) a couple of my friends read my blog and it essentially kind of impacts them so I am not willing to divulge the information just yet but just letting you know I am in the process of planning something which will have a huge impact on my future.
I have sacrificed for so long now I wonder if it is now okay to stop. I sacrificed my own misconceived rebellious ambitions to please a mother who I love deeply but is never satisfied. I sacrificed my social life to complete my degree. I sacrificed my going shopping and spoiling myself rule for a year and a half just to get the perfect house for my last year of Uni. I sacrificed my own financial security to keep a girlfriend happy who really didn't deserve it. I sacrificed not doing what I really wanted to do 5 years ago to keep my family together after the wake of a tragic and unexpected death. I am not complaining, don't get me wrong, all of these sacrifices lead to positive outcomes in the end, but I have been sacrificing for so long now, especially when it comes to my family that I feel if I carry on it will be eating into life dreams. I do not even know if it is time to stop. I guess I would feel kind of guilty to just start focusing on myself but then again I feel like enough is enough. It is time for me to really start thinking about me and only me.
I am slowly being turned from a PC into a Mac person. They are actually superior to any PC I have used. They still have faults, like the keyboard for instance, but overall they are winning me over.
I realize I have many people that get parts of me, but not me as a whole. Maybe this is the reason I cannot build lasting meaningful relationships. I feel like for this to happen then someone would need to understand the many parts of myself that make up me. I do take responsibility that I can be closed at times but this is just because I feel I haven't met anyone that could handle all of me, but hey how can I know if I don't at least give them a try right? This is not to alienate the people that do get parts of me though. Just want to give a shoutout to my cousin Tinu and my friends Izzy & Shree who I feel truly understand my love for music and the wide ranging affects it has in other areas of my life. Also, I want to give a shoutout to Izzy & Shree again as well as my friend Nadia who all understand that sometimes you have to abandon politically correct behaviour and just be blunt even if it means coming across a little rude. Shouout to Gabrielle who understands that sometimes the best way to deal with people is just not to deal with them at all and can you PLEASE start blogging again. To my many friends who understand my passion for sports, you all make me a better athlete and analyst. But when I find a woman who can understand all my various sides and passions then I just might give this relationship thing a go.
With all the pressure coming from my family recently imploring me to start thinking about settling down and having children - I simply have to say that I am not ready, especially when it comes to having children. I have spent the last week with two 1 year old children and although very adorable they were both absolute handfuls. I am simply not ready. I'd rather have sleepless nights form my insomnia running wild instead of a little one running wild for the time being. On of the babies could even hit such a high note that even Mariah Carey in her prime would have had trouble hitting. I called it the instant headache initiator note. One day I'll be ready; but for now I have other things to focus on.
I think a lot of people are idiots, no seriously.
Time away form London has truly changed me for the better and I honestly feel rejuvenated. Upon my return I will be having some serious discussions with some of my friends in relation to certain aspects of their lives - you've been warned. I've been biting my lips for too long now and its time I start being more proactive instead of reactive.
I see lot of relationship advice being dished out but I don't see many people digesting it.
I am more of a leader than I wanted to accept.
And on that note I bid you adieu, I am seriously exhausted from babysitting.
I know some people may raise eyebrows when it comes to my selection for this week. But its just not all about Candy. Cameo had some decent tunes. Although the video is very camp it is still jokes.
I understand it is October and even though I am in America and they choose to celebrate it at a different time I still acknowledge that back home this is the month we have been given to celebrate our own history. Learning of my history is something I take very seriously and will no doubt be dedicating a number of posts to the subject. But I always try to let people know that Black History Month is every month, not just October.
Right now I am going to drop a poem that I caught last year during the BET launch last year for BHM. I saw Jason Nwansi recite a powerful poem of his entitled 'What it Means to Be Black' which really touched my soul. I put off doing this earlier because I felt the actual recital was so powerful and I wanted to upload the video but I could not find it. Luckily, when I was searching for the poem to paste onto this post I saw someone had finally uploaded the video on YouTube just a week ago. I don't know why it took so long but I'm happy someone finally did. Again I feel like divine intervention has a part to play on one of my posts. I feel like the Most High is really smiling down on me today.
Anyway I'll post both the video and written format of the poem:
I was asked to write a poem on what it means to be black But I don't think my words can encapsulate that The rage that I feel when ignored by black-cabs I don't think my words can encapsulate that Constantly over looked coz my complexion don't match I don't think that words can encapsulate that And even though I'm non-threatening I'm still viewed as a threat I don't think that words can encapsulate that.
Black, adjective, of the deepest colour Relating to the human group having dark coloured skin Presenting distressing situations in comical terms Like the fools who make jokes out of racism Marked by disaster, marked by despair Damilola Taylor left bleeding on stairs The pages of my dictionary have casually stated That black is full of anger and hatred Maybe that's why I can't get a cab And I keep getting stopped by police and that Plus it's more likely that I'll be shot or stabbed That's called NEO-RACISM where BLACKS hate BLACKS BLACK ON BLACK CRIME, rolling with nines So solid crew got the blame for a while Under represented in all institutions LIBERALS LIP SERVICE and look for solutions
Forgive me for stating uncomfortable facts But for deeper understanding we must look back A whip sounding from silence a thunderous "CRACK!" I don't think that words can encapsulate that Lacerations that perforate this young slaves back I don't think that words can encapsulate that Sleeping in my own faeces with a plague of rats I don't think that words can encapsulate that In the belly of a slave ship that wont turn back I don't think that words can encapsulate that I've gone from a King to Cattle in the space of a week No wife home nor land, I morn I weep, I'm weak I'm feeling home sick so I cant eat, I'm meek These Iron-cuffs have created sores that seep I've been Robbed of my robes, given strange clothes, This place is a market; I'm now to be sold This man has his hands on my testicles Traded besides a woman that I do not know The sunshine radiates her skin just glows She cry's all the time of a pain untold Robbed of her Virginity, Dignity and Soul I offered her comfort, her hands were so cold I am FEAR-INSTILLED, Man's Property still BREEDING with strangers against my WILL FORCED to behave or my blood will SPILL The MASTERS A MONSTER I've seen him KILL If I accept this now will this ever STOP? In future will our Children be strangled or shot? Decorations from Oak Trees for Villainous MOBS Or will WHITE faces greet us and hope we've forgot I was asked to write a poem on what it means to be black
It has been a tension filled week people. You would think being on holiday means you wouldn't have to deal with any stress. But since I've been on holiday for 2 months now I guess it was sort of unavoidable. Anyway, since my insomnia is running rampant and I'm watching VH1 Soul I thought I should blog to release some stress.
This topic has been on my mind a lot recently because my relatives have stepped up in their intensity to find me a suitable Nigerian wife. The audacity! They think because I am 21 and because I have a degree under my belt that there is now no excuse for me not to start looking for a wife. I try to let them know that I have a lot more to accomplish before I even start looking for a wife but my words fall on deaf ears. It has even gotten so deep that one over involved aunty tricked me into coming to her house just so she could set me up with the young lady who was doing her hair. She then proceeded to embarrass the young lady by asking questions like "Do you not think my nephew is handsome?". "You two should get together sometime". "Tell me, do you like him?" all within 2 minutes of us meeting each other. I quickly told her she didn't need to answer any questions and scolded my aunty for making her feel uncomfortable. Although I did later commend my aunty for actually picking a pretty young lady, who was articulate, career driven and had a body to die for. No honestly my mouth literally dropped when I got to view the entirety of her body. At least she found someone who I could be compatible with; which is a lot more than I can say for the "potential wives" other relatives had picked out for me. I should note though - to any reader that I might have mislead, I am not from a family that believe in arranged marriages. Its just for some reason they're putting the job in their hands because I continually tell them that I do not expect to get married. Something which is the closest thing to heresy when it comes to traditional Nigerian thinking.
Forgive me, I am losing focus. Back to the post at hand.
When I say love, I mean intimate love. Love between a man and a woman (or two people of the same sex if you swing that way) who are not related. I know its a not great definition but it is such an ambiguous term that it causes problems when it comes to defining it, but I'm sure you know what I mean. If not just go get a dictionary.
As a young boy I, like many other people, was always curious about this thing called "Love". I mean - What exactly is it? Does it really exist? How can it have such varying effects on people? And probably most importantly - How will I know if I am in love? These are questions I still struggle to come to terms with today. I still find the whole thing........troublesome (I have now moved onto the Shippuden stage in my Shikamaru way of life). But from this young age I decided to start weighing up the different answers, arguments and debates from an objective standpoint. Unsurprisingly, it led me growing up cynical when it came to any matter involving "love".
My early interactions with this troublesome emotion came vicariously through my friend's early relationships. I was not the ladies man I am now back then (okay I'm not even a ladies man now) so I would look at my 14-16 year old friends in absolute disgust whenever they claimed they were "in love". How could anyone at such a young age claim to be in love? Despite my objections the majority adamantly argued that they were in fact in love. It was at this time that I realised the word was overused, misunderstood, said loosely, exaggerated and underestimated all at the same time. I also witnessed how these same people would use the same word as justification for such insane behaviour that in a world run by myself; it would immediately lead to mandatory incarceration in a mental institution. If anything, such behaviour just reinforced my somewhat hostile attitude towards "love". Even now I find it funny that certain peers of mine cannot differentiate being in love from being utterly stupid, I'm sure some would preach that there is no difference.
I often wonder if love would mean the same things if it wasn't consumed by the beast called the mass culture industry. Think about it we have films, books, music, holidays, gifts, TV shows etc. all trying to show us what exactly love is and how it should be expressed but at the end of the day it is all to turn a profit. If we had none of these things, would we still love the same? My opinion is that we wouldn't. I only bring this up because I believe this is where most of my generation get their vision of love from.
It is for this reason I have never told any female that I was involved with that I "was in love with them". Not because I was stubborn, but just because I still didn't know what it meant to be in love. It has been said to me a few times but I never truly believed any female that did reveal this information to me. I am sure you can imagine the fallout with me not responding and after much nagging me just plainly saying "Well. I don't feel that way yet." But I do believe I am perfectly placed to know whether or not I am in love in the future. Hear me out.
I feel I have experienced every emotion that could be misinterpreted as "love". I have had crushes, really liked girls, I have been infatuated, obsessed and lustful amongst many other things. So through the process of trial and error the only real emotion left is love right? I may be wrong but because I've felt these other emotions the next valid emotion I feel must be love, using the process of elimination. I don't know, it still perplexes me. I do not claim to know exactly what love is, which is probably the reason why I am so afraid of it. Yeah, I'll admit it, I am afraid of this thing called "love". But after seeing the so called affects it has on people who wouldn't be.
I even hate the phrase "I think I am falling in love with you". It just highlights the danger and feeling of helplessness most people associate with love. If there is one feeling I can't stand, it is being helpless. As a mature individual that does not want a "conventional" relationship. And by conventional I mean the misguided bullshit they portray love to be in movies, which for some reason is the type of relationship most girls want. However the realist in me will not allow me to succumb to such fantastical and romanticized portrayals of love. I'd rather "rise in love" with someone than fall. Falling always involves some sort of pain. But rising shows growth and control. I am the master of my emotions, they are not the master of me. And I feel anyone that tells me they are falling are secretly telling me this.
I'm sure people who read my blog but don't know me will think "Damn, you are such a pessimist". Trust me it is nothing I haven't heard before. I have had many arguments with starry-eyed people who believe because of my views I am a scrooge. Maybe Andre was right, maybe I am Love Hater. But I refuse to be like the other people I see, destroyed by people they thought they loved because love is such an easy excuse for inexcusable behaviour. I guess I'm just trying to safeguard myself and remain sane against an emotion, chemical reaction or whatever you want to call it, which clearly causes people to lose their rationality. I do not believe love should make you crazy. I believe people do crazy things and use love as an excuse because of its ambiguous nature. Maybe I am fighting a losing battle and will unfortunately fall prey to the same red eyed monster that has consumed so many. But I guarantee you one thing, I'll put up one hell of a fight before I succumb.
I know this post will probably make no sense and has no clear cohesive argument. I have just been writing out random thoughts. I blame it on not sleeping properly in almost 3 days. Yeah you guys must have thought I was joking about the insomnia. Anyway these were just some of my thought processes on the subject. I do not intend to cause insult to anyone who may be reading.
[Note: These are just my opinions. Although I try to remain objective, it is ultimately a subjective issue and I do not question whether mature individuals are really in love. I am merely concerned about how one is supposed to act when they are really in love.]
And if by some sort of divine intervention this song suddenly starts playing on VH1 Soul. I have never heard a song that answers the question so well in musical form.
Remember before you can love anyone else, you must first learn how to love yourself.
Until next time. Be careful when it comes to your foray into the wilderness called love.
As I sit here on holiday trying to catch up with the massive amount of reading I have to do with VH1 Soul on in the background somehow making the task less laborious (Between ESPN and NFL Network, they are the only channels I watch nowadays) as usual my mind begins to race and I feel like writing. You're probably wondering:
"So if this is the case, why doesn't he f***ing blog more frequently?"
I know I always seem to have some sort of excuse but my mistress (my beautiful HP laptop, what can I say I'm a PC) is currently out of commission so I have to keep resorting to using my wifey (my ipod Touch) for any Internet related task. And anyone who has an iphone/touch knows it is not the one for typing.
Although there are other laptops around me they are so inferior that it makes even writing the simplest blog post a herculean task.
Anyway enough with the excuses, since I'm restless and I have been watching VH1 Soul Stage for like the last 5 hours I thought I'd hit you with a classic. Since it is Joe who is currently occupying the stage; I suddenly remembered how much I liked his music.
I remember my relationship to my girlfriend in year 9 which only lasted 3 weeks, I was young and dumb, who as an act of romance left an acapella medley on my voicemail for me to hear when I got back from school. I don't remember every song she took excerpts from but the one I do remember was Joe's - 'I Wanna Know'. She could really sing and I used to listen to it everyday until I forgot to save it as T-mobile deleted voice mails after 3 days in them days.
Although this is not my FMNROW, it does bring back pleasant memories. Joe is currently performing 'Stutter' which I personally feel is one of his best songs. But he is performing the remix version which I feel pales in comparison to the original.
Since I have a lot of free time on my hands and I just love putting on some mellow music and losing myself within my mind I have come to some realizations.
1) One of the major realizations I have come to is that when it comes to looking retrospectively at the relationships with the females I have been involved with and what ultimately led to all the failures was a familiar trend. On recent reflections the reason why certain people would say I have been "unlucky" when it comes to relationships (which is a huge understatement) is because I have the strange knack of always getting involved with girls instead of women. Allow me to clarify. When I refer to a member of our species who is the owner of a double 'x' chromosome as a girl I am referring to their relative emotional, intellectual, spiritual and sometimes sexual immaturity. This is not to square the blame solely on the females I have been with but the difference in maturity has always caused problems. I have yet to female who shares most of my views when it comes to being in a relationship as complicated as they may be. But I know that I will never find what I am looking for inside of a girl pretending to be a woman. I do not know what it is but there must be something about me that continually attracts me to these girls. Nonetheless it is time I start entering into relationships with mature women if I am to have any hope of being in the kind of 'real' relationship that I envisage within my mind.
2) I have been coasting through life for the last three years. I have always been told that I am an individual with massive potential and I think that it went to my head a little bit. I haven't applied myself like I should have physically, academically or spiritually. That is not to say I have not achieved many things over the last three years, I have achieved loads but I could have achieved a whole lot more. I realise now that I have just been getting by on my natural ability and talent and if I am to be truly great and successful I need to start working harder.
3) Being around my cousin and her husband is teaching me more about relationships and more importantly a marriage than I ever have in my 21 years of existence. Seeing first hand what a young couple have to go through to make a marriage work in such testing times shows me the level of commitment I would need to have if I ever did get married.
4) I also have to admit that not everyone I know can be consistently impervious to my straight talking and sometimes just down right rude ways. I have concentrated more on the new friendships I have formed rather than maintaining the ones I already had. I also shy away from real contact because things like Facebook and MSN have made me lazy. It is for all these reasons that I almost lost a very good friend. I have not been a good friend to a number of people recently and I will try my very best to correct this. All I can ask is if I have inadvertently insulted you recently can you please let me know because I thought everyone got my own particular brand of humour but I was gravely mistaken. And to the friend I almost lost I can only apologize once again - I guess I forgot everything you have done for me and the things you put up with and I am sorry if I ever made you feel if you could no longer talk to me or if I no longer listened to you. You are a close friend that I value and I would never intentionally try to alienate you. But next time if I do something wrong can you please let me know in a much less heartless way.
5) Apologizing sincerely to someone is tough. I used to fake apologies just to shut people up and I was very good at faking sincerity. But when it comes to people I truly care about I have to be genuine.
6) I am still adamant that there is something wrong with my object cathexes. I miss no one at the moment. And all the people who think that telling me that they miss me would only insure to give me a big head - shame on you.
7) I need to start paying the music I love more.
8) I am not afraid to fail but for some reason it does seem like I am afraid to even try in the first place.
9) I know I flip-flop from being a breast man to a bum man and back again, but I think am truly a bum man. There ain't nothing sexier than a female with a nice bum which is proportioned to her body. I don't need a girl with a huge back off but a nicely proportioned one would be enough for me.
10) I have been real lazy in terms of my appearance. Like I put no effort into the way I have chosen to present myself recently. This is mostly down to me having to make sacrifices for the last year which prevented me from buying clothes, but this will all change very soon.
11) I really do need to blog more.
12) Roses really do smell like boo hoohooooooooo.
13) I am getting really good when it comes to controlling my sexual urges. I will not disclose how long it has been since I was intimate with a female, but it has been a while and it has barely bothered me. Although this may soon change.
14) There are certain things that have happened to me in my life that I thought I had dealt with but it seems like the result of these life experiences have left me deeper mental scars than I had first acknowledged.
15) For the first time in my life, for the first time of me being on holiday - I have nothing to return home for. In the past I have always had something to return to London for but this is no longer the case. After about 18 years of continuous education I finally graduated from Uni and I am done with institutional education for the time being. So there is no academic reason for me to return. But what about my family I hear you say? Well, the days where I needed to remain in a close proximity to my mum are long gone. She is also starting a new life which is kind of forcing me to start my own. My brothers are both starting university and college respectively this month and no matter how much I may deny it, they are becoming men in their own right and I know they do not need me to oversee them as strictly as I did before. I have no girlfriend to return to (which is actually a good thing). As for my many friends, so much stuff has happened in such a short amount of time that it has placed us all on separate paths. The once naive notion that our paths would always somehow stay intertwined is a dead one. We are all growing up and finding our different vocations in life and it is for this reason that I feel both happy and sad. I am happy because I see people progressing but sad because in reality my attachments to all of you have weakened. This is not a bad thing, it is just a fact of life that everyone has different goals and to attain these goals people have to do what they have to do. For every year that I can remember I always had a friend back home who I was happy to return to because they needed me. But this year there is honestly no one that I feel that needs me so much that I need to return home for them specifically. This is not to say I will not be coming back but it does force me to wonder if my future does reside in London. Right now the only thing tying me there is my T-mobile contract and even that expires this month. I guess it is finally time for me to decide what my goals should be.
16) I don't consider myself a relationship expert in any sense of the word but I have somehow continually found myself in the unwanted position of an agony uncle. People seem to think that I must know a thing or two about relationships because I never seem to have any prolonged drama because of them. This is for the mere fact that I am a straight forward individual and I hate, and I repeat, I HATE drama. I nip it in the bud as soon as I see the weed taking root and drench it in weed killer just as an extra precaution. But however much I try to explain to people that ask for my advice that it will not help unless you are an extreme individual like myself I still find my words falling on deaf ears. But still I give out advice to those who ask for it knowing that my words will be wasted and they will do everything opposite to what I advised them to do and land themselves in the big, stinking, steaming pile of cow drama. And I've had enough. So I will no longer be giving advice to people who I feel cannot carry out what I advise them to do. So do not ask if you do not have the testicular or ovarian fortitude to do as I say, if not then what is the point in you asking for advice in the first place?
So I'm sitting here on holiday just relaxing watching my favourite channel - VH1 Soul (Seriously they need this back home) and the new Maxwell video comes on.
Now I knew Maxwell knew what being sexy was but after seeing this video he seriously took it to another level. Now I'm a big Maxwell fan and I am so glad he has finally returned. I have heard nothing but good things about his new album 'Black Summers' Night' and along with another 50 other albums I have missed out on from my other favourite neo-soul artists and I need to hurry up and listen to it properly.
Now usually when I am with a female I like and I want to set the mood I play a specific playlist and the first song is always Maxwell - Til' The Cops Come Knocking. But after seeing this video I think this song will have to take the top spot.
The video is just too SEXY. You'll understand when you watch it. I mean I want to marry Kerry Washington right now. Who knew she had it in her?
I know certain people will only know this next group for one song. But Bell BivDeVoe had much more good songs than just 'Poison'.
Most of you may not even know the song, or may know it as a cover from someone else. The proper video is on youtube right here but I wasn't allowed to embed it directly.
This tune has been on repeat on my ipod for the last few nights and I still cannot get enough of it.
So here it is, Bel BivDeVoe - When Will I See You Smile Again
When I first envisioned writing a blog; it wasn't only for me to fulfil some narcissistic need for a wider range of people to read and agree with my somewhat controversial views. There was actually another reason. I wanted those among you who I call my friends to have an insight into my somewhat twisted mind and hopefully for you to understand me a little bit better. For you to take a walk through my world.
Friends? when it comes to them I'm just not sure - making them, finding them, losing them, letting go of them etc. are things I have done throughout my lifetime but I still find the whole routine kind of..................troublesome. (I'm adopting the Shikamaru way of life).
It's safe to say I have always had a lot of friends, as is true to say I have always "lost" a lot of "friends". From a young age I have always been a loner and this has never changed. Although I may be seen with a group of people from time to time and engage in activities with them, I have always been and forever will be a loner. There is nothing wrong with this and trust me it doesn't sadden me in the slightest- I have always had the necessary social skills to make friends but I have always been comfortable with just being on my own. It is for this very reason that although I may have numerous circles of friends but when it boils down to it I will always return to me, myself and I.
I guess it would be for this reason that I have kinda come to be known as someone "who does not care for his friends". Which I feel is a bit misconstrued. I have no problem making friends, its maintaining friendships that I have yet to properly master.
I am a man of zero tolerance and stupidness is the one thing I have no time for in my life. All my friends that have gotten to know me on a deeper level know that if the day should ever arise when we need to part ways then I will not hesitate to dissolve a friendship. I have gotten to the age where I feel I can only surround myself with like minded people and people who will only help me on my way to becoming successful. It is for this reason that I decided to trim my "acquaintance bush" and effectively cut 1/3 of the people I knew out of my life. This was not done in any spiteful way but it was done out of necessity. In every person's life there will be people you know that fulfil no particular purpose - I ask you what are these people adding to your life?
I went on a kind of "friend detox" (This is in reference to a video that was circulated on Facebook by a very smart young woman) a few months ago and had the aim of reducing my Facebook friends from 400+ down to 150. Now I did know most of the people on my facebook but still, I did not have daily, weekly, monthly or even yearly contact with most of the people on my friends list, so what role were they filling? Simply that of being excess and cluttering my home page with useless status updates. I eventually got my number of friends down to about 170 which was the number I was left with when I felt that the people left deserved to be part of those lucky few that had earned the title of my friend.
Now I did this well before the video about it was released and I ask all my readers to evaluate the people in your life and what role they are occupying and if they deserve it. NOW, people deleting people of their friends list has now turned into a bit of hype with people thinking they are more important and "beautiful" than they actually are which has led to me being deleted from a few people's friends lists. I cannot fault them for this however, because if they had come to the realisation that I did not occupy any significant role in their life or I had been slacking when it came to my friendship services than they had no alternative but to cut me out of their life.
Although there is one person who deleted me that I was kinda shocked about and if I can muster up enough "give a damn molecules" in my body then I will be contacting them soon to try and find out what the actual problem is.
As a friend I will do my best to make sure you are always centred and stay on track. I will question all your beliefs and push you to question everything. I will be there for you when it is needed and will always be on hand to assist you in whatever way I can. This is a basic service I extend to all my close friends and I expect them to return this service. So when it comes to ultimately locking off friends; it is not a problem for me because if they are not fulfilling these basic services then I simply do not care for them. I'd like to think it keeps all my friends on their toes knowing that any random act of stupidness can result in a swift locking off.
It is not that I don't care for my friends enough because that is simply not true. It is just that I can care for no one as much as I do for myself and my own well being. So when it comes to making tough decisions it makes it that much easier knowing that stupid people only bring you down in life and it is your personal responsibility to cut these people out - and nowhere is this life tool more important when it comes to identifying the people in your network of friends that are the stupid ones.
So even though I make more friends everyday I intend to keep all of you on your toes and believe me when I say I wouldn't think once let alone twice about locking any of you off in an instant. But until you do something stupid enough for me to do something that drastic I care for you all. Because when it comes down to it even if I get rid of all my friend circles, there is one circle that will permanently remain- Me, Myself and I.
I can't exactly remember why I wanted to do a post about this particular issue, but what I can remember is that I felt very passionately about it. I feel that when it comes to all things S.E.X things are unfairly weighted too much in the females favour. This post is supposed to get your neurons firing...................................anyway let me start like this:
Man Dem - You know how it is when you've been talking to a female for a while and things are going smoothly. She's pretty, intellectual, got a banging body etc basically she ticks all the boxes. You've spent plenty of contract minutes talking late into the early hours of the morning about life, goals likes and dislikes and obviously sex. Now because we're a generation of horny fools the more you speak to her the more the more it seems that the topic of conversation turns to the bedroom. Now because you wanna put across the best version of you as possible, no doubt you start telling her "how great your sex game is", or "you won't be able to handle me" blah blah blah.
So the night finally comes when she gets too see what you're really made of. I mean you've done one, two things but she hasn't allowed you to go all the way because she's one of those girls. So as things begin to warm up, you start to kiss, you begin to undress her while making your way to the bedroom. The pressure begins to mount in more ways than one. You suddenly remember that this will be your first "session" together and you've been there talking shit for weeks. You suddenly realise that you will need to bring your A game to make a good impression just so you have another opportunity for future "sessions". All manner of things start going through your mind but now you know its time to perform.
I'll leave it up to you to determine how this situation might end, but hopefully I have painted a picture to illustrate my argument.
My main aim is to highlight the huge discrepency between the number of things women and men can be judged on when it comes to sex. Many conversations with both sexes has led me to conclude that women simply have it a lot easier than men when it comes to performing at sex - and it is safe to say a good number of females don't perform at all.
Lets put this all into perspective
What guys are expected to have:
The body of an Adonis/Sex God
Experience - but not so much as to raise any eyebrows
Stamina of machine
Be "well endowed"
Now how to use this endowment, very well
Need to know exactly what to say at exactly the right time
Need to know how to handle a female's body
Should automatically know a female's body but also....
Need to know how to take instruction (only WOMEN are real enough to give instruction if needed)
Need to be assertive and take charge
Ready to go whenever, wherever
Have the moves of a porn star
Need to be gentle and rough at the same time
Have patience
And many more things I can't think of at the moment
(This is just a generalisation and not all of these things need to be present for sex to be granted - but I'm sure you're starting to get the picture)
What girls are expected to have:
A vagina
Open their legs once a while to allow access to this vagina
I'm sorry ladies but you have it too easy. I wonder if females suffer from the same performance anxiety that guys do? I mean I understand when females do open their legs it is a privilege and not a right, and all guys should be grateful when allowed to "invade" a female. But what really gets me is that just because females allow men to into them that this gives them some statutory right to be judge, jury and executioner on a guy's self esteem.
Females are known for being notoriously hard to please and shows like Sex and the City and Girlfriends have only exacerbated this problem. You see when females say how they wish guys could experience what it is like to go a through a period, well I wish there was a way for females to experience sex from a guy's point of view. It is not easy to please you women..........
It is no secret that females like to talk, with a partner's sexual performance being a popular topic for discussion. After an occasion where the guy has "failed to perform" a female will group together her female friends and have a sexual performance tribunal and proceed to expose every sordid detail there is about her partner and the inadequacy of his game. I guarantee that at least 35% of guys have a boy who know of the details of a tribunal when they were the guy in question and do not have the heart to tell him because the criticism was so fierce and sweeping it would lead to the utter destruction of their confidence.
Now why do I think this is unfair.
It is only through the media and social conditioning that we place so much importance on having the most fantastic sex life. I am not saying it is not important just that the level of importance we place upon it is too great. Especially being a Black male there a certain stereotypes that are attributed to me and my fellow brothers and are expected to live up to to fulfil female fantasies. This is partly due to post colonial perceptions of Black slave sexuality that these stereotypes exist and have become prevalent in our highly sexualised culture, but you guys can research that yourselves.
But even more hypocritically are the females that themselves fail to perform sexually but still are highly critical of their partner for not performing. On the many discussions I have had with my boys on this matter I cannot tell you how many of them have said "Blud, she was so dead. All she did was lay there. I was basically having sex with myself and she was just along for the ride".
Why should females that just lay there and do nothing be allowed to get away with such an injustice?
I too have had partners that have not contributed at all when it comes to having sex- leaving me to do all the work. I recount a former partner who I was involved me telling me about her previous partner. The criticism was harsh to say the least: "He was crap", "He buss too quick", "His stroke was whack". But I wondered how much of this was down to the guy just not bothered to try anymore because this female was one of the laziest people I ever had the displeasure of being involved with. She literally just laid there, doing nothing. She could not continue at my pace when the sex exceeded 20 minutes, she never got on top or did anything to make the experience more enjoyable. But yet she was so scathing of her ex. Maybe she was just venting and wanted to spite him for some other transgression so decided to hit him where it hurts. Who knows?
I'm not trying to make excuses, but every guys knows that not performing the first time you finally get to "engage" with a girl will almost more than likely lead to access being denied in the future. I mean we cannot perform all the time to these unreasonable levels. If we're being honest guys I'm sure we can all admit to times when our mind was willing but our bodies had their own agendas. We all have that time when you "arrive a little too early" or "you can't keep it up". I mean even I will admit to these things happening to me sometimes, as many times as I would like to be Superman there are times when my body would rather me being Clark Kent and I have no say about the matter. I'm sure most guys have that female that when it came time to get down and dirty with they couldn't perform no matter how much they tried. I can only theorize that certain people are sexually incompatible with others and their bodies had decided that they were not going to "connect" no matter how much either party wanted them to.
Like Katt Williams put it- "Your dick is ready to betray you at a moments notice".
So for that reason and because we are trying to create a world of equality I am now thinking of ways in which man dem can rate/judge their sexual partners just as harsh as the females do of us. I'll let you know how it goes- I'm looking to destroy some female self esteem out ere. LOL.
N.B. This post was not written out of anger because I somehow found out a female had made fun of my game. This post was simply to highlight this sexual injustice after many conversations with males and females alike. Its just time to make things fairer.
If you know me then you know I love going on holiday. 3 holidays a year is a must. Because I was in the final year of my degree and I didn't go on holiday for a year and a half which really hurt my soul. So now that I'm a post graduate I took it upon myself to book a couple of holidays. After the disastrous summer 08 that I spent in London I knew there was no way I was gonna go through the same shit again.
Why stay in Endz when there is a whole world to see? And I don't follow the crowd and just go to Malia and Napa. So the first Holiday I booked was to Dubai. Me and my family had been there before like 5 years ago and we enjoyed it so much that we decided it was about time we went back.
Because it was my friend Julie's 21st the night before I had to leave I had to go straight to the airport straight after the festivities. I don't know what happened but I ended up with the sickest migraine - and no I did not drink - so I was just throwing up all the way to Gatwick. I hadn't felt that kind of pain in my head since I had a concussion. Anyway it lasted for 2 days but by this time I had already reached Dubai..............
Beautiful I know. If you do plan to go to Dubai in the summer months then I must warn you................it is a desert city, the heat out there is not be taken lightly. I am not lying that when I was out there the mercury went over 50 degrees.
You will be baking out there. In fact you will be cooking. Its a straight shorts and vest ting! Anyway while out there me and the fam went sight seeing. Went to the Atlantis.....
Obviously we went to Jumeirah beach which was relaxing. But be warned it is open ocean, it is very easy to get carried off by the waves. Swimming in the sea is also comparable to swimming in boiling salt water. Yes it is that hot, and it is that salty. Me and my brothers almost died trying to battle the waves trying to reach one raft like 100 metres off the coast. When we did eventually reach it we were so exhausted we spent 45 mins just trying to get our breath back.
You don't really go to Dubai shop unless you want jewellery so no tales of shopping. Although we did go to Emirates Mall which is one of the biggest in the world. You know a Mall is big when there have their own little theme park and Ski Resort in there. NO joke. I got to go snowboarding which was extremely fun to do. How many of you can say you've been snowboarding in the desert? LOOOOL Didn't think so.
It was also a good bonding session for me and my brothers since I had been away for 3 years.
Most of the time I was just relaxing in the sunshine or in the pool. For some stupid reason My skin refuses to tan even if I am in extreme sunshine. Dubai is definitely a must go to destination for couples. But a couple who I met at Doha airport did say Qatar was better so that might be my next holiday destination.
And just a quick video of the antics we got up to.
Next holiday - I'm off to America for 2 months. Don't hate too much please, I deserve it.
Hey people I'm in bed at the moment just chilling doing nothing and thought I'd commit some time to my blog.
I know you must hate it when you check my blog and see it hasn't been updated - I know I'm so inconsistent. But I also know your collective hearts flutter when you see I have written something new, like now.
Anyway, I will try to blog more since I have more time on my hands after becoming a graduate (whoop whoop) but if you've been on my FB you'll know I have holidays coming up (more on that later).
Now to get down to the matter at hand. I'm a man of observation and logic - they are the principles I live by. I observe the physical and apply logic to everything else, mainly the theoretical. One of my recent observations have been....................................TEETH.
Is there any excuse for this in 2009? I mean I am still in disbelief that there are people walking around with such teeth in this day and age. Its even worse when I see people of my generation and younger with "piano key teeth", "Black gums" and chipped teeth.
I mean come on WTF!!!! FIX UP!!! How can I be walking and I see a girl walking towards me. My heart starts to beat quicker because she looks good from a distance, but I know I need to see her closer to confirm this. As we get closer, our eyes meet. I think SHEEEET she's pretty. I begin to close in but then she smiles at me.....................and I'm taken back by what I see.
Not only are your teeth brown, they are not straight. Each one seems to have its own agenda and is shooting off any direction it so chooses. INSTANT TURN OFF. I'm sure many females have had the same experience when it comes to guys.
I honestly feel there is no excuse because as a youngster I was always taught about maintaining my teeth. A smile is door opener. Now if you grew up relying on your local council like I did then you know that dental check ups are FREE and most dental procedures were FREE as well. Which means if you had those gap teeth or MR Ed smile at a young age it was no problem to get fitted with a pair of braces. Now I know no one liked to be seen with braces, but your parents knew it was a necessary sacrifice to gift you with a beautiful set of teeth for your older years. That's why it was better to get them done at a younger age to limit the damage these things did to your social life.
As children my mum always made sure we had out 6 monthly dental check up. I was never afraid of the dentist, in fact I LIKED IT. I liked the whole experience, I thought the dentist chair was the best invention ever. I think I liked it more because luckily I was blessed with beautiful teeth and therefore going to the dentist was a mere formality and allowed me to receive praise from my dentist who always said my teeth were outstanding.
My little brother had braces for a while, and not because his teeth were messed up. He simply had a little condition where his bottom jaw was in front of his top one. It was only noticeable when he smiled and even then it wasn't that bad. But even so, my mum still had him get braces to push his top jaw out. And this was to simply ensure my brother never had any further complication with his teeth.
So when I use reason and logic to wonder why such atrocities such as having bad teeth are still prevalent today I come up with these answers:
1)Your parents simply didn't care about you enough to know how important your teeth are in everyday life.
2)If you didn't rely on the council for certain things then your parents were obviously well off enough to afford any dental procedures but decided against it for some unimaginable reason.
There may be more but they would no doubt delve into the realm of excuses.
I know as British people, the rest of the developed world ignorantly sees us as people that do not care for our teeth. You only need to watch certain episodes of Family Guy to see their depictions of British teeth. But in this day and age I firmly believe there IS SIMPLY NO EXCUSE!
There is nothing more attractive than a beautiful smile.
So what have we learned today?
If you smile at yourself in the mirror and a crack starts to appear then you need to do something about your teeth NOW!
Go to the dentist - he is your friend! He only wants the best for you and your teeth.
You know if you have bad teeth or not- JUST GO GET THEM FIXED, PLEASE.
I cannot believe we are in 2009 and I have to be writing a blog post about this! You have been warned.
