I'm No Relationship Expert...

No seriously. I kid you not. This really should have been a point in my previous post but I felt this point need to be expounded upon. I do not know why I personally get asked questions I know very little about. Ask me about Freudian psychoanalysis, Black History, LOST or Marxism and I'll be in my element, but ask about relationships and I'll be stumped - they are just not my thing. I hate talking or giving advice on subjects I have very little knowledge about. But yet I am still asked for advice? I can only deduce that people ask me because they know I am a "straight up and straight talking" kind of guy. I tell it exactly how it is and don't beat around the bush.

I guess you would think this would make me successful when it came to my endeavours with the opposite sex. Unfortunately, I am a huge and utter FAILURE. No seriously. One of the biggest gripes I have with my generation is the mass production of 'Dear Janes and Johns' (although this is a majority female dominated field). People are dishing out relationship advice even when it is not requested. I'm part of a generation who feel entitled to speak on any topic they want to with minimal amount of research done. Pure speculation, hearsay, conjecture and opinions. Purely polemic. How do you reason with a generation that think they are right about everything? Personally, in an Ogundare-run Britain I would ban single people from giving relationship advice. I know, idealist and a little totalitarian but let me get back to reality. If you are a perennially single person who always has troubles in love and relationships what exactly qualifies you to be a 'relationship expert'? The last girl I was involved with dished out this advice like nobodies business, but she couldn't even manage a civil conversation with me yet alone a relationship but she was endorsing herself like a book featured on Oprah.

Last year I wrote in a blog post that I would no longer be giving relationship advice to people that I did not feel had the necessary "testicular fortitude" needed to carry out my advice. This was only half the story. I had realised that I could not be giving out advice on something I have never been successful at? How many failed business entrepreneurs are giving lectures right now on how their business plans failed to get off the ground for big bucks? Like I said I'm a failure when it comes to relationships and I HATE failing - at anything. But I have to admit this obvious truth. So please do not rely on me to give you tips on how to have a successful relationship. However, if you want advice on how to self destruct your relationship into a million pieces and make sure your ex holds a grudge against you for an indefinite amount of time.... THEN I AM YOUR MAN!

The only thing I can do is warn you if I feel that your decisions or actions may lead to more trouble in the long run because I am expert in that. Just be real. But like I've said before I seem to be one of the few rational people in a generation full of delusional love-loving agony aunts and uncles. But I fear I am fighting a losing battle. People will have a sense of entitlement regardless. Guess I need to speed up my plans for world domination.

To be honest I don't think I will ever understand why humans yearn for sexually exclusive heterosexual (or gay/bi-sexual) companionship. I guess it is one of the few areas you could call me socially awkward in.


(Un)happy relationships to all.

It seems like the ideals of "common sense" and a "relationship" are mutually incompatible. Guess this is where I've been going wrong. - Michael Ogundare

It's Summer Outside But On The Inside I'm Going Through The Coldest Winter

Sometimes I feel like Kanye is the only one that really understands.







My memories are killing me slowly. JK
Guess I need to wait for Spring

You People Have Me Confused

I thought I should commit a blog post to clear up a few inaccuracies and misconceptions people seem to continuously have about me.

1) I am NOT an atheist. I know I am fairly outspoken when it comes to mass organized religion but please don't confuse this as an attack on your own personal spirituality. I do believe in a higher spiritual entity, whatever it may be, but I just don't believe in these western monotheistic religion's conception of God. Sorry. People seem to think that you need religion to access spirituality which in my opinion is a dangerous ideal to propagate. I am deeply spiritual, it's just not in a way you can categorize.

2) Following on from that: I am NOT Muslim. For some reason people seem to think I am Muslim. Maybe it is because I shave my head and do have a slightly unmanageable beard but this surely does not mean I am a Muslim. It is a lot easier for me in my hectic schedule to just shave my head so I don't have to worry about and besides I like the look. I think the rugged image suits me from time to time but from now on I will try harder to keep things looking trim and proper.

3) You confuse me as someone who has an interest in politics but I have NO interest in being a politician. I started a love affair with Government and Politics ever since I took it as an A-Level way back when. I think it is a major disadvantage that the majority of my generation I have happened to come in contact with know little to almost nothing on how our political system works. To date there has only ever been two people I could talk politics to on a deep level. My political views are controversial to say the least but I just want to thank everyone who said they would back me if I ever ran for PM. Although I fear this country is not ready for my brand of governance. I do feel the majority of politicians are inept and despicable characters and the current political system only seems to keep putting the same kind of idiots into public office. So until there is a change in the system and therefore a change in what it means to be a politician I'm just going to hold back. But still.................................OGUNDARE 2015 (Or someday)



4) I do NOT have a problem with females that wear weave. I just think its silly that its biggest consumers make little or no money from it. Makes no sense, I've heard even Brazilians have entered into this hair foray. As long as it looks good and it doesn't look like any dead animal has been hot-glued onto your scalp I have no complaints. Although I am extremely attracted to females who have the confidence to rock their short hair in a natural way. We all don't need to conform to the European beauty ideal.

5) I am NOT some militant black power revolutionary. Not yet anyway. I find it really stupid that to profess a love for Black people and the problems we face people think you have to fall into the aforementioned category. This is not some blind love either. For all the things that are great about us I know we face some difficult and deeply entrenched problems. But I believe these can be over come with (re)education of self. So the next time you wonder why I'm interested in "all that Black stuff" just remember the answer is simple: BECAUSE I'M BLACK FOOL!

6) When it comes to females I've been involved with I DON'T lie. I am not a womanizer, even if I wanted to I couldn't be. It seems I can't even stand next to a female without someone thinking I have already "been" with her. I am a straight up guy and if I have told you before that I haven't been with a particular female PLEASE BELIEVE ME. Don't ask me a few months later expecting a different reply. I guess I should be kind of flattered that people have such faith in my "mating" skills but to be honest I'm a bit of a shy guy.

7) YES I am a bum guy, I cant deny. I have a supreme weakness for a girl with a nice backoff. Now I don't need someone like Bria Myles (although it would be nice) but something nice and proportional to the girl's frame does me fine. Obviously this doesn't come before whats in the girl's head but the addition of a nice bum is a deal clincher for me. Because its all good if you got a bum full of junk but whats the point if your head is filled with the same?

8) I am NOT against marriage. I just feel when people think about this sacred institution all they talk of is the ceremony, honeymoon and the good times. I am not as disillusioned. Being around a young married couple last year showed me how much hard work and dedication goes into maintaining a successful marriage. If everyone else realised this then maybe the divorce rate wouldn't be so high.

9) I DO have love for my Nigerian sisters. But you females think way too far ahead when you meet me. I know you are under immense familial pressure to get married and have kids and the majority of you have it planned out to the finest detail. Regardless, I don't like being rushed. Just because we're both Nigerian does not mean we have to be together and my supposed light skin should not be treated as some kind of novelty. I recently heard a statistic that said that every 1 out of 6 Black people you meet will be Nigerian. Which means there are plenty of Nigerian males out there, just be patient but I'm sure this will fall on def ears. Sorry if this made me sound big headed. I know I talk about Ghanaian girls a lot but I still got love for my sisters.

10) I DO want kids, I'm just in no rush. I have a lot more to accomplish before I even start thinking about having kids.

11) I do NOT believe in "The One" nor understand this thing called "Love".

12) I am NOT even remotely financially well off. I'm sorry if I have ever mislead people into believing I had more money than I let on but I'll be the first to admit I am poor. OK I'm not that poor but my level of being classified as poor is higher than most people I know. The times when I have had money is all down to hard work, no 419's or wealthy relatives. All the holidays I go on I work really hard for. No one spoils me so from time to time I spoil myself. Being broke is a sorry state of existence and it is not something I intend to be for much longer.



Hopefully that's cleared a lot of ish up for you. Man you people really had me confused.

Starting All Over Again...

"My mistake was thinking we could pick up where we left off. When I should have realized that we in fact needed to start from the beginning again."

After a night of reflection on my friendships the above quotation was the conclusion I came too when trying to find out why some friendships just did not feel right to me. In this particular instance I'm referring to close friends who, for whatever reason, ceased being close friends but after an indefinite amount of time a reconciliation was reached and you continue on in your friendship.

I have had a lot of these reconciliations.

I make no excuses. I am an extremely difficult person to get along with. This is not the case if we have a professional relationship or are simply acquaintances. But for anyone who I deem worthy enough to enter my inner circle you will undoubtedly see sides of me other people would not- this is true for the majority of people. Unfortunately in my younger days I saw any person I had inducted into my inner circle not valuing the fact that it was, in my eyes, an esteemed position akin to committing the highest treason. It was betrayal. In hindsight I may have been a little bit dramatic. This led to a high turnover of friends being lost, especially with females.

After a period of time some of these friends and I would reconcile. Sometimes it would take a few weeks, sometimes a few months and in some cases a few years. Like I said I'm difficult. But after we had 'made up' things inevitably were not the same. An old friend once told me that after a serious argument between two close friends occurs things can never be the same again. They can either use the experience to become closer and therefore better friends or use the argument as an excuse for the friendship to deteriorate. There are no other alternatives and personally I think she is right Now when you factor in a period of separation things become slightly different. Without realising how naive I was being, I simply behaved as though me and a friend I had reconciled with would just pick up where we left off. Big mistake. Sometimes I was guilty of this gross misconduct and other times it was the friend who was guilty.

Any sensible person after a period of time away from someone should have grown in some way. Whether it be physically, intellectually, spiritually or in any other area, something has to have changed. I now take it as an insult if anyone I haven't seen in a while says I am still exactly the same. It either means I have not progressed or the person is not able to see the change that has been undertaken. So when I felt an eventual 'uneasiness' around a reconciled friend, this was the cause. People change. Or at least they should change, I know a few people who would give Peter Pan a run for his money. The parameters on which you first form a relationship with someone cannot be the same when both parties lose contact and eventually reconcile. Its difficult but a reconciled friend has to be approached in the same way you would deal with an almost totally new person entering your life. That is not to say you won't already have access to information a new friend would not have the pleasure of knowing but it should be understood that this information will no doubt need to be updated.

I know it sounds long, especially when you think you already know the person. But I can say I have a fair number of old friends who I reconciled with but eventually lost contact with again because things were not the same. Its just that back then I was oblivious as to the reason why.

If good friends happen to make their way back into your life, don't miss out on the second chance just because you fail too see its not as simple as just picking up where you left off. You kinda have to start all over again.

Good friendships to all.

Funny New Show

So we've reached that time of year again when BBC Three start showing a whole bunch of new shows. Compared to last years offerings this years is a huge step. From what I remember BBC Three barely takes up many of the shows and most remain as one off pilots. But luckily 'Lee Nelson's Well Good Show' has been scripted for 6 episodes. The pilot I just watched was flipping hilarious and it takes a lot to get me to laugh out with a sketch show. At least its a lot better than that BS James Corden and Matthew Horne show from last year.

Anyway go watch it - iPlayer.

Multi-Talented? Feel A Little Lost Because Of It? Then Read This...

One of the things I love about the Internet is the pure randomness of it. You can be carelessly roaming around the Internet and stumble across a gold nugget. I have found one such nugget.

First off, read this article by the supremely talented Lola Adesioye:

Being free, being me: the dilemma of being multi-talented

Amazing right?

If you are like me, multi-talented and have been feeling kind of 'cursed' recently then this is exactly what we both needed to pick us up.

I often get infuriated when people ask me what field of work I want to go into and I have to reply "I don't know" often to be treated as some lazy bum. I regularly wish I was one of those kids who knew exactly what they wanted to be when they grew up and had spent every subsequent day working towards it. Or to be one of those people who had a singular amazing talent which directed them to their future career. Unfortunately that has never been me. Being from a Nigerian household and being the "stubborn goat" (as my mum says) that I am the mantle of 'Doctor' or 'Lawyer' never really excited. Even though it is almost every Nigerian parent's dream that their offspring goes into one of these two professions. I was determined not to conform. Thankfully, I have a very understanding mum who never pressured me into choosing a career path but also taught me to never rest on my laurels and to work hard and excel at everything I do.

I guess you can say I am "talented" at many things and therefore it should be easy for me to choose from one of these to forge a suitable career out of. But trust me, it just makes it that more difficult.

But this article has inspired me to just do me, and be great in everything I do and to be comfortable with my multi talented splendour.

I suggest you do the same.

The Experiment: Movement One - Denial

With something as delicate as this I understand one must go through a number of stages. For the benefit of the subsequent posts I will be following the stages Ms Badu used on the song 'Green Eyes'.


You are wrong.

I guess what I feel most is disappointment. I am not angry, miserable or heartbroken. I feel a lot of little things but no single one big enough for it to have a word as a feeling. But if I combine all these things together the nearest word I can find in my vocabulary is......disappointment, although even this word is seriously lacking. I'm disappointed in myself, in your "reasons" and how you chose to give up.

I still don't really understand what went wrong. Yeah we'd argue, but who doesn't? Yeah we don't see exactly eye-to-eye but who does? You probably think it was the "noble" thing to do but I feel like you jumped ship first due to you thinking I would possible do it first and that you wouldn't have to deal with the fallout.

Or was it your confusion? Like I said carry on saying you did it for "us" but its clear your motivations were purely selfish. For all the time it took you to finally become serious this how you reward my patience?

I don't even know how to feel, what to write or how to think.
I'm just kinda......disappointed.

The Tables Have Turned

I once remember a certain Ms Julie Adenuga calling me finished because I happened to upload a picture of my bulging bicep on Facebook. I work hard for the body I have because unfortunately I wasn't naturally blessed with a body like Adonis. Irrespective of this she still insisted on calling me FINISHED!

So imagine my excitement when I see this:

HOW THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN, EH!

Is Talking About Sex Still Taboo?

One thing I find very odd in such a liberal country with such highly sexualised young people is the inability to REALLY open up about sex. I don't simply mean talking about the act because we all know people who brag about how much play the get, but the deeper and more meaningful things and problems that comes bundled with.

When I catch up with people after enquiring about their health, friends, family, relationships, goals etc. Naturally I start questioning them on their sex life. I believe having a healthy sex life is paramount to having a healthy mental state. In the beginning I was always met with gasps of embarrassment and I wondered, Kini big deal?(What's the big deal? for all my non- Nigerians) But after whomever I was speaking too had gotten over their primary inhibition they would then open up like nobodies business. Like seriously, I couldn't get them too shutup.

I just think its weird I keep hearing:

"You're the only one I can talk too about things like this."

Seriously? People its 2010! What's there to be afraid of? If you have had the pleasure of attending one of my impromptu sex "seminars" then you know I am not afraid to talk about sex. Asking questions does not make you a hoe or a bunje (Thank you Rets for that word,) I see plenty of people clamouring for relationship advice but barely anyone looking for sexual advice? Are we all sexual professionals who don't need any help? I know people have anxieties, fears, questions etc. but it seems people like to front. I have theorized that in our "urban" sub-culture there is a particular sexual behavioural cannon in which we are afraid to venture beyond. If you display a curiosity or preference which is outside this cannon then you are seen as some sort deviant. (This is true of wider society as a whole but for the purposes of this post I'm just dealing with my generation and the environment we operate within). And the proprietors to this are usually the least mature,least intellectual and extremely obtuse individuals among us. But yet they serve as judges when it comes to what is sexually acceptable. This why such terms such as "bow cat" are still propagated today.

Lets be real fellas. The majority of us have suffered from performance anxiety. We have not been able to keep it up for hours as we're expected too. We're a little prone to cumming a little quicker than we would like. We're afraid to ask our partners to incorporate something new into the bedroom or we might feel we don't quite meet the grade when it comes to the "bulge in your boxers" department. I understand a lot of us are not mature enough to allow a forum for people to ask such questions but its time for a change.

Lets be real ladies. A lot of you are probably self conscious about your bodies, you might not feel as experienced as your partner. You are probably afraid of giving "head" or you're not too confident in your "riding" skills. I meet too many of you that are even afraid to acknowledge you have masturbated. Like someone once told me, "...be wary of anyone who vehemently denies that they masturbate."

I am proud to be many of my friends sexual confidante. I am always on hand to give advice, tips or just being the available owner of ears that will listen with an open mind without any judgement. This is not to say I am some kind of sexual guru or anything but I like to think I'm well informed enough to be adult about sex. I am only 22 and although I have been having sex for a number of years now I can honestly say I have only really started to understand what sex really is over last year or so. (Hopefully my mum will never read this blog). It's abundantly clear from the stuff that I have heard, that many people just do not know what they are doing and get bad advice from equally less knowledgeable people. I've realised as soon as you make people feel comfortable about what they are curious about they gain a new found confidence, instead of labelling them as a deviant. Besides I meet way too many females who say they have been "licked out" but I have never met a guy who has admitted to doing it. The numbers don't add up people - be real. Don't act like you've never been curious when it comes to giving "head" to a male or female.

So what I'm really saying is to not be afraid to ask about anything when it comes to sex. I guess you just need to find someone who is adult enough to talk about it with. I'm sure all the people I have given tips too have been satisfied with what I have shared with them. You'd be surprised how many people think they are having great sex when it is merely adequate at best.

What's there to be scared of? As long as you have a caring and understanding partner who is not afraid to explore and experiment when it comes to sex then who cares what anybody else thinks.

Disclaimer: This was not intended as a piece of empowerment literature for females who are a little too liberal when it comes to opening their legs or the guys whose life goal is to reach the glorious "I've slept with 1000 females" mark. If you are one of these people please disregard everything I have written. This is purely for the people who want to be mature and open minded when it comes to sex and build upon it. It is one of my goals to improve the quality of the "sex pool" for everyone.

Wishing great sex lives to all my readers.

(Especially Jodie aka Jay Emty because I know she is my biggest fan).

11 Songs That Will Definitely Make You Fall Into A Downward Spiral Of Depression If Kept On Repeat After A Breakup

I love music, I love it, I love it, I love it. Doesn't matter what genre it is, as long as I like it thats all that matters which is why I was heavily into Empire of The Sun last year. But this isn't about my love of music and what it means to me, although I'm sure that post is coming soon. Now because I love music so much it is constantly playing in my room so when my zombie of a phone does actually ring I'm usually met with the callous utterance "Can you turn down your music please! Gosh your such a freak." Don't these people understand that when I'm told to turn down MY music it is akin to asking me to stab myself in the heart? I DON'T CARE IF IT IS LOUD, I LOVE IT! In secondary school I used to flip out like the guy in 'There's Something About Mary' whenever anyone even came near to my headphones. People had to first get my attention and then have my permission to carefully remove my headphones, say what they needed to say, and then carefully slot them back into my ears. That's how seriously I took music. Anti-social I know but I had serious issues as a teenager and music was my only form of escapism.

Anyway, back to the reason for this post. Recently I have noticed a trend when I'm on the phone to my friends and they say "Why are you playing that song? It sounds so depressing. Long gone are the days (16/TONYA- if you don't know read my old posts) when I listened to music and it got me depressed over someone that I couldn't have. But I'll take inspiration for me to share music to the world in whatever form it may come. So here are 10 songs that if left on repeat will leave you in a deranged state after you have just been broken up with...

1) Brian McKnight - Anytime




2) Kem - I Can't Stop Loving You




3) Eric Roberson - Pen Just Cries Away




4) Usher - You Got It Bad




5) Daft Punk - Something About Us




6) Floetry - Hey You




7) Erykah Badu - Green Eyes




8) Shai - If I Ever Fall In Love




9) Jill Scott - Cross My Mind




10) Andre 3000 - She Lives In My Lap




11) Musiq - Halfcrazy



12) Ok I lied there is one last song guaranteed to tip you over the edge to insanity, but its not a definitive song I can simply place in this list. The last song is "your song". Whatever song which belonged to you and the person you split from, you know "your song". For me it used to be Maroon 5 - Sunday Morning and that's not even a depressing song...and that's the point. Nothing can bring forth stronger memories or emotions than this last song. So be careful, I don't need to be the catalyst for people being institutionalised. Although these songs are depressing and do put you into a kind of melancholy state I truly believe that songs like these also help you to heal. Through all the pain, regardless of whether you acknowledge it or not, you are simultaneously healing.

C'est la vie.

The Experiment

Over the last two years I have had many encounters with the opposite sex and the majority of them have always ended the same. The female in question after a period of time would always express her dissatisfaction about how little she really knew about me. That is not to say she knew nothing at all but there was very little she knew past the superficial. All this was very intentional and I never let any female get to know me past a certain point. Most likely this was just to protect myself. This ultimately led to the female becoming disillusioned and dissolving the promising relationship. Which never really bothered me because I never really cared. So after having this same conversation numerous times with numerous females over the last two years I kinda got a little pissed off. What did these females really want me? If you know me; you know I am not the bastion for the purity of relationships. I am firmly grounded in reality and past the glaringly obvious; I still do not see what real purpose relationships serve. But I've already blogged about that.

After having a string of debates about my "relationship practices" my defence was that I always felt that if I ever really opened up to a female she wouldn't be able to handle the real me. This was my defence and I stood by it. A lot of people can barely handle me as it is so what would happen if I revealed every facet of my complicated psyche to a solitary female? I gathered that it would just lead to a whole bunch of problems which I wasn't prepared to deal with. But this was based on nothing but assumption. The prosecution (my friends) rightly countered by arguing that before I come to such a conclusion that maybe I should actually take a chance and open up to someone and see if they truly can handle me, instead of deciding for them that they can't without even giving them an adequate chance. My immediate reaction that this was nothing short of blasphemy in the court of 'me'. Back then I thought it was a ludicrous idea - just shows how much more growing I have to do, which is a lot.

But my defence was slowly chipped away at and I was left with a single question to face:

"How long are you going to keep doing the same experiment but still keep expecting the result to somehow be different?"

Seriously, what was I expecting?
For Einstein this was the very definition of madness and I ain't trying to be mad out here. So I decided to proceed onto a different experiment - to finally let a female get to know the real me, with the outcome hopefully leading to an exclusive committed adult sexual relationship. All that I needed was a willing test subject.

The experiment lasted approximately seven months. To put it simply it failed. My assumptions were confirmed. But positives can be taken from it. My methodology needs a bit of tweaking but I'm not going to use the findings of this single experiment as justification to revert to the old me. But failure is still a kick in the teeth.

The following posts will be me trying to deal with this failure. . .