Starting All Over Again...

"My mistake was thinking we could pick up where we left off. When I should have realized that we in fact needed to start from the beginning again."

After a night of reflection on my friendships the above quotation was the conclusion I came too when trying to find out why some friendships just did not feel right to me. In this particular instance I'm referring to close friends who, for whatever reason, ceased being close friends but after an indefinite amount of time a reconciliation was reached and you continue on in your friendship.

I have had a lot of these reconciliations.

I make no excuses. I am an extremely difficult person to get along with. This is not the case if we have a professional relationship or are simply acquaintances. But for anyone who I deem worthy enough to enter my inner circle you will undoubtedly see sides of me other people would not- this is true for the majority of people. Unfortunately in my younger days I saw any person I had inducted into my inner circle not valuing the fact that it was, in my eyes, an esteemed position akin to committing the highest treason. It was betrayal. In hindsight I may have been a little bit dramatic. This led to a high turnover of friends being lost, especially with females.

After a period of time some of these friends and I would reconcile. Sometimes it would take a few weeks, sometimes a few months and in some cases a few years. Like I said I'm difficult. But after we had 'made up' things inevitably were not the same. An old friend once told me that after a serious argument between two close friends occurs things can never be the same again. They can either use the experience to become closer and therefore better friends or use the argument as an excuse for the friendship to deteriorate. There are no other alternatives and personally I think she is right Now when you factor in a period of separation things become slightly different. Without realising how naive I was being, I simply behaved as though me and a friend I had reconciled with would just pick up where we left off. Big mistake. Sometimes I was guilty of this gross misconduct and other times it was the friend who was guilty.

Any sensible person after a period of time away from someone should have grown in some way. Whether it be physically, intellectually, spiritually or in any other area, something has to have changed. I now take it as an insult if anyone I haven't seen in a while says I am still exactly the same. It either means I have not progressed or the person is not able to see the change that has been undertaken. So when I felt an eventual 'uneasiness' around a reconciled friend, this was the cause. People change. Or at least they should change, I know a few people who would give Peter Pan a run for his money. The parameters on which you first form a relationship with someone cannot be the same when both parties lose contact and eventually reconcile. Its difficult but a reconciled friend has to be approached in the same way you would deal with an almost totally new person entering your life. That is not to say you won't already have access to information a new friend would not have the pleasure of knowing but it should be understood that this information will no doubt need to be updated.

I know it sounds long, especially when you think you already know the person. But I can say I have a fair number of old friends who I reconciled with but eventually lost contact with again because things were not the same. Its just that back then I was oblivious as to the reason why.

If good friends happen to make their way back into your life, don't miss out on the second chance just because you fail too see its not as simple as just picking up where you left off. You kinda have to start all over again.

Good friendships to all.