Faithful.

I'm an observer. And one thing from my observations that I just cannot seem to grasp is the nonchalant attitude some of my male peers have when it comes to being faithful. I am not a preacher so I'm not in the business of telling people that morally; what they are doing is wrong. Like I said I'm an observer which means I make sure the person fully understands the consequences of their actions and then when it all blows up in their face I sit and watch them formulate every excuse under the sun as to why they should not be held accountable for their actions. So this will not be a post arguing that being unfaithful is wrong, that is a relative question which serves little purpose. Rather this will be a post trying to explain the behaviour of my peers from my own unique perspective and the hypocritical excuses I have heard over the years.

I have never cheated on any female I have been involved with. A statement that I'm sure will be met with scepticism but I'm being serious. When you take into account that I have ever only been in one serious (semi) serious relationship it suddenly doesn't become that hard to believe. Although it was a disastrous relationship that many people would not have blamed me if I did cheat but I still didn't. I'm such a man of principle that I stayed unhappy than do the normal (scumbag) course of action and cheat on my girlfriend when she is pissing me off or slacking on her girlfriend duties. If I ever did feel the uncontrollable urge to cheat on a partner I'd like to think I'd be man enough to call them up and break things off. Its still deep but its better than the alternative and at least I'd have a clear conscience.

From the male perspective of my generation of my generation there are many reasons to start on a course of infidelity. Over the years I have been able to watch many relationships form and dissolve and I still can't get to grips with certain behaviours. As with any relationship; there are good times and then there are bad times. But you also have latent times when a relationship is not good nor bad, it's just normal when the two participants are so comfortable with each other it seems like they are standing still. I guess cheating when stuff is bad is understandable but it is still a cop out in my eyes. It's the infidelity at the good or latent periods I just cannot get my head around.

The most prevalent behavioural pattern I have identified is that males feel some sort of entitlement to have as many females as they so choose. There seems to be no sense of guilt or remorse when a guy has a girlfriend he repeatedly cheats on because as far as their justification goes - "it's just what guys do." They love their main partner but they still want other females, it should be an understandable desire. I know this is not very clear but no one who I have tried to get an explanation out of could give me a straight answer - it is supposedly a kind of instinctual urge.

Another pattern is more commonly used amongst males that have been in a relationship for more than a year or so. They have been fine and never tempted. But there seems to come a point when these guys need to find out "if they still have it." So they tell themselves engaging in a new relationship while already in one is just to get the dust off their skills of attraction. But surely this shouldn't matter if you already have the one you love right? Which means they worked very well and you don't need anymore test subjects.

Within this pattern is the need for new female attention which very few guys will own up to needing. Everyone likes a bit of attention form the opposite sex once in a while but for a specific few this is a need akin to a crack head needing his next fix. Dramatic? I think not. It is an insatiable need for female attention that can never be fully quenched by a solitary female. I'm sure this sort of behaviour can be traced back to infantile mummy issues but I could not care less.

There are many more of these behavioural patterns I could describe but I don't want to be here all night. So the final one I will detail is the one I've witnessed on the "boys group holiday". You know the ones I'm talking about: The one where a guy and a few of his friends goes to a morally questionable sexual holiday destination. You know the places: Miami, Amsterdam, Napa, Brazil etc. The justification for this is that there will no doubt be single males on this trip who will be enjoying life to the full and he wouldn't want to miss out on the fun just because you have a silly little thing called a girlfriend. Further justification is the use of the following mantra@

"Whatever happens in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination) stays in (insert name of morally questionable sexual holiday destination)."

Besides there is always a little bit of competition on such holidays and committed males will eventually be dragged into showing how well they can compete. To all my female readers that have partners who have been on or are going on such holidays and feel that their better half has no intention of being unfaithful I have to say you are sadly deluded. Okay so I don't want to be the cause of numerous break ups so I will accept that there maybe 5% of males who do not have this inclination and hopefully your partner falls within this percentile.

But these are all excuses to me. And the hypocrisy rears its ugly head when these males were asked how they would react if they found out their girl was cheating. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to assume that the replies ranged from moral outrage to physical violence. But as I say the majority of this generation is mentally ill and hopefully through little wake up calls like this, as a whole we can start getting better.

Cheating for me is the infantile behaviour reserved for men who are morally and principally too weak to engage in adult relationships. But I ain't about to purely bash on my own species. Females are guilty of all the same things I have mentioned. A few months ago I met a smart female who admitted that she was once like me. She proceeded to give me one of those laughs you give to people after they've made a naive/idealist statement. It startled me because I wondered if I could one day cave in on my principles and justify cheating as a careless action as she did. That's what intelligent people do when they cave in on a principle that they thought was steadfast. They justify it by fully embracing and undermining the severity of the action. Just take it from me and don't continue to to call them a 'scumbag' because even though they accept what they did was wrong, they don't like to be chastised for it.

Fortunately one of my greatest strengths is that I am a man of principle. I'm a little old fashioned like that. There are just certain things I will not bend on and faithfulness is one of them. I think it goes back to my younger days when I used to watch Ricki Lake and Jerry Springer to fill the gap between watching the CBBC/CITV late afternoon lineup. Seeing the emotional devastation that ensued after the confession of sexual infidelity always shocked me. Even though at a young age I never fully understood what sex was I knew it wasn't anything to be taken lightly when a partner and/or family was involved. I knew from a young age I never wanted to be the reason to cause such hurt to a fellow human being because of such an action. Most of all, I'd detest being called a scum bag as well.

Reading back on this post I know I said I wouldn't try to give a moral opinion on unfaithfulness but it's clear I failed. I'm sorry I just cannot respect people who cheat. It's just the way I've been conditioned. And to anyone who may have taken insult by indirectly being called a scum bag because they have cheated, please do not take my words too seriously. I also think anybody that supports Liverpool FC is a scumbag. It's just a word, whatever connotations you add to it is purely your own doing. I know its hard being committed to a single person in such an environment and I know the smart ones will use African culture that saw nothing wrong with polygamy and western social conditioning as arguments, which I fully understand and agree with but this may be used by stupid people to further justify their actions without really understanding what these arguments mean. It's because of people like this that I truly believe the mantle of 'boyfriend' or 'girlfriend' means nothing.

Lets just be faithful to one another. A relationship should be a serious thing. Why do people act like its not?

Happy mental health to all.